Vin Infante: From Therapy to Transformation - Overcoming Struggles, Building Identity, and The Path to High Performance

In this inspiring episode, I’m joined by psychotherapist-turned-performance coach, Vin Infante. Having seamlessly blended therapy, coaching, and mentorship into a singular, powerful methodology, Vin is on a mission to elevate mental health, personal growth, and high performance to new heights. His journey is a remarkable story of resilience, starting with overcoming intense childhood bullying and culminating in an innovative practice that merges depth work with actionable strategies for lasting transformation.

My conversation with Vin delves into the origins of his unique hybrid approach, weaving together the introspective clarity of therapy with the dynamic challenges of coaching and the wisdom-sharing essence of mentorship. Vin shares how he discovered a path that not only addresses the roots of pain and trauma but also energizes clients to set compelling goals and uphold the standards needed to achieve them. We explore his personal evolution, from facing fear and self-doubt to establishing himself as a trusted advisor for executives and high performers who crave deeper fulfillment alongside professional success.

This episode is an illuminating look at the importance of taking ownership of one’s own narrative. Vin’s insights on mastering identity, setting boundaries, and building a clear sense of purpose. Whether you’re a budding entrepreneur, an established leader, or someone eager to accelerate personal growth, Vin’s perspective offers a refreshing roadmap to nurturing mental well-being and realizing your fullest potential. Tune in and discover what it takes to consciously create a life you truly love.

Struggles with bullying and isolation [00:03:42] 

Gaming as a social connection [00:14:27]  

Embracing self-identity for happiness [00:22:32] 

Five aspects of mastery [00:29:27] 

Good advice from friends [00:37:55] 

Embracing hardship for growth [00:44:35] 

Therapy versus coaching effectiveness [00:55:15] 

Purpose beyond personal success [01:05:32] 

Chapters

• 0:00 Teaser
• 1:21 Intro
• 3:42 Struggles with bullying and isolation
• 14:27 Gaming as a social connection
• 22:32 Embracing self-identity for happiness
• 29:27 Five aspects of mastery
• 37:55 Good advice from friends
• 44:35 Embracing hardship for growth
• 55:15 Therapy versus coaching effectiveness
• 1:05:32 Purpose beyond personal success

Transcript

Vin Infante:
When I was younger, I was bullied a lot. My whole life. I was always an outcast. I was somebody that never fit in anywhere. And I would struggle at school. I would struggle at after school. I would struggle everywhere. And then I'd come home and I'd still be struggling there because I feel isolated. I don't want to connect with anyone. As I would continue to go and seek help and go through therapy or counseling or seek guidance counselors or whoever, it was funny because it never really helped me. And yet, I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, panic disorder. I had a lot of suicidal ideation, a lot of self-harm. And my anxiety was so bad that I actually wasn't even able to make a decision unless I called my therapist and asked my therapist to help me make the decision, or better yet, just make it for me. What kind of decision? Any decision, honestly. It was if, like, let's say I had a little bit of a disagreement with a friend. That decision, like, I couldn't find a resolution to the fight because I needed my therapist to give me an insight.

Andres: Like, I was terrible. You were totally outsourcing and delegating decision-making and taking away from your personal confidence, personality, and ability to just operate as an individual. Then here we are, man. We met on a yacht not too long ago at a Mastermind event that you had this chance to host with our good friends, Jamie and Deepak. And, you know, obviously so much overlap between who we are, what we do. And I'm so excited to, to dig into some fun stuff here with you on the show, man. And, and, uh, show people the power of, you know, getting to know themselves better and, um, unraveling their pain, life experience, some of their trauma and helping them maximize the power that they can derive from an experience like that and apply it in the best way. So welcome to the show, man. I'm excited to dig into all this with you, bro. And it's so good to have you here.

Vin Infante: Yeah, man, thanks for inviting me. It's always a great way to start a relationship, meeting on a yacht on a beautiful day in Miami.

Andres: We're very privileged people. I mean, but we work very hard. I think most people wouldn't be able, most people wouldn't and couldn't imagine how hard we really work behind the scenes to have the personal brands and the influence that we have, but it is our pride and joy. So, you know, it feels like play to us, but it is hard work. And celebrating that on a yacht and bringing like minds together is an honor, man.

Vin Infante: I will share a quick little tidbit with you, by the way. That was the first event I ever hosted. So I don't know if you caught that.

Andres: Wow. I would have never guessed. Oh, my gosh. Wow. Wow. What a way to set the standard. I know. That's incredible, man. It's going to be tough. It's going to be tough to compete with that with myself now. Let's do more of that. That went great. Let's do more of those. I'm open. Sweet. So look, man, I know that, you know, you're a performance coach. You focus on executives and you have a mission to impact a billion lives. But before we jump into some of the substance here and really going deep, if you can please provide us with, you know, a little bit of background and basically how you made the transition over to this field.

Vin Infante: I love talking, you know, it's funny. I think we all go through transitions. I used to hate talking about my story because people asked me it so much, but now I actually, I fell in love with telling it again because it's something that brings me a lot of joy. I don't think we all get to reflect on our life and just how far we've come. So the reason that it brings me so much joy is specifically for this. When I was younger, I was bullied a lot. My whole life, I was always an outcast. I was somebody that never fit in anywhere. And I would struggle at school. I would struggle at after school. I would struggle everywhere. And then I'd come home and I'd still be struggling there because now I just, I feel isolated. I don't want to connect with anyone. As I would continue to go and seek help and go through therapy or counseling or seek guidance counselors or whoever, it was funny because it never really helped me. And yet I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, panic disorder. I had a lot of suicidal ideation, a lot of self-harm. And my anxiety was so bad that I actually wasn't even able to make a decision unless I called my therapist and asked my therapist to help me make the decision or better yet, just make it for me. What kind of decisions? Any decision, honestly. It was if, like, let's say I had a little bit of a disagreement with a friend. That decision, like I couldn't find a resolution to the fight because I needed my therapist to give me an insight.

Andres: Like I was a terrible. Totally outsourcing and delegating decision making and taking away from your personal confidence, personality and ability to just operate as an individual.

Vin Infante: Yeah, I was a terrible client. I mean, I was that client that really no therapist would want because I always need something and I was a pain and I would need like emergency sessions here or there if a fight was really big or I didn't know what to do. And it was just a whole nother level of living in victimhood and being in this form of helplessness where I had zero ownership over my life. I had zero responsibility over the outcomes I wanted. And I could not figure out how to free myself. It was, my life sucked not because of me, my life sucked because of everyone and everything around me. And that was the state that I found I was just in. And I don't think I consciously put myself there, but man, was I doing nothing to get out of it.

Andres: That was your normal, that was your default mode. That's just who you were at the time and you didn't know any better. I mean, you were seeking help, which is great. Most people don't. But you didn't, it just felt like you. Maybe you got complacent or too comfortable. And I just want to say for the listeners and just to really see eye to eye with you on this, I experienced something very similar in my life. And I think like you, most people, when they see people like us, so grateful and so driven, I don't think they would imagine that things could ever be so difficult. And I, dude, I will be the first person to tell you, I grew up in a very privileged home and I had my parents with me and they're incredible, beautiful family, but I had my struggles, man. ADD, with medication, feeling isolated, being bullied, never fitting in, giving the kids that I thought were cool my lunch to try to fit in with them and just being a freak. I would hide in recess. And so I want to see eye to eye with you because I want people to understand just how real this is and how it's this kind of pain that can propel us and can give us perspective and put ourselves in the shoes of people that you and I get to help today. You know, that empathy goes such a long way. So how did you transition from, you know, that to eventually getting the help that you needed to move forward in life?

Vin Infante: You know, the funny thing is I had to keep getting it wrong. And so I, I got extreme bullying, like similar to you, but I think I don't even know how, how far yours went, but I used to like get thrown in trash cans. I was pushed down the steps before I, I wasn't seeking out help from guidance counselors and stuff because I wanted their advice. I was, I was hiding. That's why I went to the guidance counsel's office during lunch because kids steal from me They would take my my like if I brought Pokemon cards or Yu-Gi-Oh cards to school. I would go back to my book bag They'd be stolen people would take my money. They would they would throw me into a locker I didn't I didn't want to be around people and so I was trying to hide and that was actually a big part of perpetuating victimhood and The journey of transition, and for those of you that aren't watching this on audio, there's diplomas behind me and they all say Vincenzo on them, which is very funny because it's not my name. So in high school, when I was transitioning into college, it was like that movie, The New Guy. If anybody had ever seen it, it's basically about this dude who was a loser. He goes to a new school and all of a sudden he's like, oh my God, nobody knows me. I could reinvent myself. And that's what I tried to do by changing my name from Vincent to Vincenzo on these transcripts. But it actually, it worked, but not well. It worked from the standpoint that I had guys that were becoming my friends. I had girls that were finally interested in me. I changed my external, my style. I started working out. I wore cooler clothes, et cetera. But because I was still internally that same person, I had anxious attachment style. I couldn't keep a girl. I couldn't keep friends. I couldn't keep anything. And it was now even worse. Right. Because now seemingly I keep getting things at least before I never had anything. But now in this crisis. Right. And, and now in this future, it's not only the identity crisis piece. It's also that I'm getting things, but I keep losing them and I don't know how to keep anything. So now there's always this built in fear that everyone's going to leave me. The girls won't stay with me. You know, the guys will reject me and, and I'm never good enough. And it just perpetuated over and over, which enhanced all my mental health issues. So the transformation actually didn't come. Yeah, well, you know what it is? I've come to find when people are struggling with imposter syndrome, usually a big part is because they don't believe that they're the person capable of what they have. And in this specific scenario, it was actually a reality. I never believed that either because I knew I was this loser who was putting on a front that nobody liked and nobody ever had respect for. And I knew that I didn't think I was good enough. And so it was always just true. And it was a self-fulfilling prophecy, right? Like I manifested a really hard life in that moment.

Andres: Dude, I mean, look, I don't want to take away from any of the pain or like, I can't even imagine to an extent I can because I've been there. But again, I mean, all of us have our individual stories. You know what I mean? I just it's making me emotional because, dude, I look, you're having me. I'm reflecting back on who I was and the things that I went through and It's just, it's not easy, man. And so many people go through that kind of pain and they hide. And I would hide behind the rock climbing wall in recess every single day, you know? So, and I wasn't speaking to my guidance counselors during lunch. I was going to the library to play RuneScape. Nice. And that was my therapy. Yeah, I know you're an avid gamer too, and I'd love to understand how gaming helped you find yourself and helped gamify the experience of self-improvement.

Vin Infante: So I didn't have a opportunity to change my life until I was about 23. And I actually got really addicted to games. So games back then were a massive crutch. But I will say they were also one of the things that I don't know, they gave me an escape, right? And I think that's what you need when life is hard. And I played World of Warcraft. I played it a lot. I was a paladin and I believe I chose a paladin more specifically because of what they stood for. For those of you that are not familiar with nerdy terminology like we are, a paladin, think of it as a cross between a priest and a warrior. He wears plate, but he's guided by the light. He defends the weak. He fights for justice. He's righteous and unwavering in his efforts to make the world a better place following what he believes is the path of righteousness and what is right. And not overly righteous, but literally weighing options and being like, I think this is just and I'll do that. And to some degree, I say I became the person I wish I could be. I became this paladin because I was this weak person that needed protecting and I had no one. So I admired this guy who was capable of protecting those who couldn't protect himself. And that's the character I chose. And that's how I built a life in a video game.

Andres: Wow. Yeah. You know, something that, that came up earlier, as you were describing, like changing your name, I instantly, what came to mind for me is like the psychology of roles, you know, and how, when we choose a role, um, we end up enabling habits, behaviors, and characteristics that are so consistent with it. And there's that prison study, right? Who was the, the leading researcher that I've, I'm blanking on it. I think people should watch this. Let me just quickly look that up. Uh, prison study, psychology roles. It was the Stanford Prison Experiment, The Power of Social Roles, Norms, and Scripts in Affecting Human Behavior, and it was by Zimbardo. So basically it was like the situation where there were students that signed up to participate in the study. And some students participated as guards and others as, you know, the prisoners. And they ended up, the guards ended up, like, becoming extremely aggressive, you know, like, treating the prisoners like crap. Like, it became an unethical study. Like, they couldn't replicate it, but they understood immediately that when you fulfill these roles, people will, like, just totally change their identity. And the prisoners were also, you know, becoming these like weak, you know, people that were stuck, you know? And I'm sure that had implications beyond the actual study, right? And so anyway, I mean, to an extent, every single day, you know, we choose a role. Like I'm a big believer in waking up and immediately before you're polluted by social media and email and all that stuff, like just a word or phrase or sentence that reflects what the ideal day or week would look like for you. And it just kind of puts you in that role. You get to reflect on who you want to be that day, set an intention. And so to an extent, what I'm trying to say here is, you know, when you change your name internally, you're like, I want to change my role. I want to change my identity. And similarly with the video game, right? Like with World of Warcraft, like you chose a Paladin. Is that what it's called? Paladin, paladin, right? So you chose a paladin and now you have this role and that enabled some degree of consistency within your personal identity, right? It's like these things matched and it helped you evolve and grow and uh, you know, grow as an individual. And I think most people overlook this. They say, oh, it's just a game. But no, it's at the time, it's you're doing the best with what you've got. It's an opportunity to step into that excellence.

Vin Infante: Yeah, I remember it was funny because I used to play a lot. Like once I was able to play, I played a lot. Like I'm talking if it was a Saturday, we're probably doing it for about 18 hours on a Saturday.

Andres: I mean, easy, easy, easy, right? Oh, no, dude. My favorite way to spend the weekend.

Vin Infante: And it was funny because obviously the same suit would follow during the week. I would play as much as I could as soon as I got home. I wouldn't really do my homework seriously and if I did I was rushing through it to get on the game. And I think the really interesting thing was that We can compartmentalize life pretty well. So I was this guy who was struggling and suffering in real life, but in the game, I had friends, I had friends all over the world, I had people I played with from Australia, from Chicago, from California. I mean, I still actually do have connection to some of the people I played with 20 years ago. Mind you, it's funny, because I was 13 at the time, and they were all like 17, 18, or whatever the case is. It was just, it was interesting because now we'll talk and I'll be like, yeah, I'm 33. Like, dude, I'm like almost 50. And I'm like, huh, that's insane.

Andres: Yeah.

Vin Infante: You don't really realize when you're playing games, you just know there's a common shared purpose. It's it's fun. We all have a joined effort, whether it's to to clear a raid or level up or do a dungeon or get some gear, whatever it is. And so we really focus on that. We're not like, how old are you? What do you do with this? Like it happens. It does. But we I was building a real genuine community and friendship. And my mom Didn't really understand that because she grew up, you know without games without internet things like that And she all she saw was that I wasn't doing well in school Yeah, she didn't understand how much I needed that game. Mm-hmm, and she would say, you know, if you don't get your grades up I'm gonna shut the game off like cuz you had to pay a monthly subscription, right? I was fortunate enough that my mom would my mom and dad would pay that for me But she would say I'm gonna shut this game I'm gonna stop paying it like you're not doing well in school and I would I would literally throw a fit and like yeah, not a fit Like, ah, I'd be like, mom, please. Like, you don't understand. Like, these are my friends. Like, I need the game. Please don't shut this game on me. Like, you don't understand. You don't know what this means to me. I, I need to play. Like, I remember I wrote paragraphs and gave her like an essay on like why she cannot cancel this game on me. And, um, I'm not going to say like the game saved my life, but the game was a big part of my life because that's all I had. Or that's what I felt like.

Andres: That was all I had. You're speaking my language, man. I identify with everything that you're saying and the extent of my, maybe you can call it a dependency, an addiction, but like I, through and through, yes, this is exactly what I went through. In fact, one time my parents set like time restrictions on my, at that point I had a Windows computer and I learned how to like hack the computer in a way where I press these buttons and I type this code. so that when my parents signed in to type the password i had a keylogger and i got the passwords and i would like hack into it and get more time at one point i even set up like a series of these small mirrors and a camera in my room so that when they were typing i could see the keys that they were typing like and i would still give them the impression that they were giving me more time but when they would go out to work and i was at home dude i was playing Non-stop. Yeah non-stop.

Vin Infante: Yeah, and even until recently I've gone through really difficult periods in my life recently and I've played the game and it's incredible You know, so I I think that's the funny thing if you're a gamer That's what you always go back to I do the same thing and you know, what's actually really funny is now because I have that awareness, I will catch myself. I'll turn around and be like, dude, you just put in six hours a day right now on World of Warcraft.

SPEAKER_01: What's going on in your life?

Andres: And I'm like, oh, that's right. It's a litmus test, right? It's like, oh, I should probably try and figure out what's happening internally because I'm going back to a sort of escapism And maybe my inner child right now is feeling threatened in some way like I did before. You know, dude, you're speaking my language. And I'm sure a lot of folks tuning in can can identify with this, too. And and even those that can. I mean, I think everybody at some point in time, they go through a moment in their lives where they choose escapism. They choose and they pick up, you know, vices or bad habits because they want to numb the pain or because they want an escape. They want to feel like themselves or they don't want to feel anything at all. Um, and I think there's a, there's a somewhat of a balance, but sometimes you need it a little bit of an imbalance in the sense that you just need to escape sometimes. Right. But how, how do you feel like you found that somewhat of a balance so that you can, you know, really truly be the professional that you are, um, while still honoring that part of yourself?

Vin Infante: Well, at 23 years old, I really started this journey of personal development. And I like to tell people at 23, I had a life changing realization. But that doesn't mean that my life was changed. That means I now had the information and the opportunity to change my life. You see, it was at the end of my worst mental breakdowns that I was having on probably a weekly to biweekly basis. 23 years old was when I graduated. I was a fully licensed psychotherapist. I finished my master's. I had gone through everything. I was done. I mean, at the time, I was finishing my master's. I had two jobs. I was working as a mental health worker at a hospital. I was a personal trainer at the gym. And at that point, I was like, I need a little bit of a break. Because I'm really depressed. I'm really anxious. I'm really stressed. And it's funny because I had everything. So 23 years old, whole life ahead of me. I don't know if I was, but I, I figured I was probably the youngest person in that school to have a master's degree, right?

null: 23.

Vin Infante: Fully licensed therapist. I had a nice car. I had this great Camaro SS 2016. It was, it was the first year of the new body and I was the first guy on Staten Island to get it. So I pull up at every car meet and I was, I was very popular. I could totally see you in a Camaro, bro. Oh, yeah, very popular. And I had what I thought was a very hot girlfriend. I had just started getting my tattoos, like my body is in shape. And so I had everything. I had money in the bank. And yet I was so miserable still. And so now you come up to this other wall that I think makes things difficult in society is that if you have the things that society says you should have to be happy with, you can't talk about the fact that you're not happy because then you're labeled as ungrateful. You're labeled as unappreciative. You're labeled as like, oh, you don't really understand hardship or problems because you have x, y, and z. Z, so who are you to feel this way? And so now there's this other thing of like, well, now I feel like crap, but I actually have the things, so I can't actually talk about this. So what do I do? Yeah.

Andres: And some people might think that you're like greedy and materialistic or you don't appreciate what you have and cast a lot of negative judgment on there.

Vin Infante: Right. And that's the struggle. And I've seen that a lot with my recent clientele with people. But we'll talk more about what I do now later. And so I remember the change was what I call my moment in the mirror. It was this day in the middle of the summer. I was home by myself. I was still living at my parents' house. And I was utterly just frustrated. I remember I said, I don't understand what's wrong. I don't get why I'm still so miserable. Why am I still so angry? What's missing in my life? And I slammed my hands on the counter. I was just completely fed up. And then after a moment of hanging my head low, I just looked at myself in the mirror for some reason. And then I figured it out and I was like, holy shit, it's clear. You're Vincent. And the reason that was so profound, as simple as it was, was because I just told all of you, my name on every diploma says Vincenzo. I got rid of Vincent because I thought Vincent was the reason I had problems in my life. But he wasn't. The reason I had problems in my life is because I couldn't figure my own shit out. And it had nothing to do with anyone but myself. So I had to run away from me to figure out the biggest problem I had was that I wasn't willing to embrace myself. And when I finally said my name for the first time after seven years, that was the start. of what I call self-mastery. That was me being willing to take my life back and start as somebody I want to become. And it had a little bit of a process. I had to call myself out. I had to own who I was. Like, who are you? I'm a loser. I'm this kid that nobody really respects. I get pitied. I don't even like myself. I'm depressed. I'm anxious. I'm panicky. And once I got all that out of the way, The next question came up, which is like, are you ready to take accountability, have acceptance for all of that? That you participated, knowingly or unknowingly, into the life you're currently living. That is your accountability that you need to have to really create this transformation. And then the last part was responsibility. And a really cool thing about that word is that it's actually two in one. It's response-ability. And why I like that is because your responsibility means you get to choose the outcome you want in life. So now I said, who do you want to be? Oh, I want to be a leader. I want to be excited. I want to be inspiring. I want to be powerful. I want to be happy. I want to be strong. I want to be all of these amazing things. And then the final question was, so what would that person do every single day? How would they look at life? How would they live life? How would they connect with others? How would they connect with themselves? What would their habits be, their practices, their behaviors, their actions, their thoughts, their language, their emotions, all of this? just to start the journey at 23. Because like I said, that didn't change my life, but it started creating the opportunity to change my life. And that's really where things got interesting.

Andres: I just need a moment, man. Yeah, take it. Yeah. Wow, man. I mean, you're I thought we had a lot in common and now I… You talk to yourself in the mirror too? Yeah, bro. And I was sick of looking at myself. I got to put it that way. I was so sick of looking at myself that I shaved my head. And that was one of the worst and one of the best decisions I ever made. That beautiful head of hair was gone at one point? Dude, I realize, so, you know, it's funny, people make fun of me for how much attention I paid on my hair. Like, I get these ridiculous $200 haircuts nowadays, okay? Love it. I think it makes a difference. I feel amazing, I look great, and from a very young age, growing up in Venezuela, my parents would comb my hair, my brother's hair, and they would give us that positive reinforcement, like, oh, you guys look like movie stars, and everyone would tell us, oh my god, you guys have amazing hair. So I just think from a young age that just helped us feel really good about ourselves. And so we've taken really good care of our hair. But my friends make fun of me because sometimes I spend a little too much time fixing my hair. You know what I mean? And so I just got sick. I got to the point where I was looking in the mirror, having these conversations with myself, sitting in my car for hours after school, hours, wasting all my gasoline, sitting in my car, thinking to myself, who the fuck am I? What am I going to do next? And I would look myself in the mirror just to try to figure that out. And one day I had spent so much time looking in the mirror, just like staring at myself, not fixing my hair, just staring. I was like, I need to stop looking at myself. I just need to live my life. And I shaved my head. And it was so humiliating. So humiliating. But dude, with every millimeter of hair that I got back, I was like, going through the pains and choosing to be to just choosing to be a new person. A person that I had within but that I hadn't accepted. So I can really man like. I can really feel this, man. I feel like we're in the same room right now, even though we're online, because I can really feel, and I'm sure a lot of people tuning in, they're familiar with this pain too, and with this awareness. And then when you have to, like you said, it's your responsibility. People have to respond and make themselves capable. Once you see that, you have to choose that. And it's a step by step. Because all of a sudden when you have that awareness, you might want to transform. Like maybe you woke up, you want to transform in that moment, but you don't want to burn yourself out either. You have to make sure that the process is sustainable. And I certainly had periods of time where I got really excited, really motivated because of that dark hole and that dark place. And then I tried to be this other person or tried to choose a person within me. And it just exhausted me. Like you, I got into the bodybuilding stuff. I started to take really good care of myself. And then I got to the point where I was so shredded to the point where my testosterone levels dropped and I became anxious again. And the only attention I was getting wasn't from girls, it was from guys. And I wasn't into that. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Every gym meme. Yeah, literally. So I think naturally there's like a regression towards the mean, right? Like you are in this low point. You are motivated because you see what's possible and then you overshoot it. And then you have to like, because dude, back then, like I was, dude, I was like five or six percent body fat, like very narcissistic, like so full of myself. Like I had to look great and like everything was with my fitness and my look. And then I realized, man, there's just more to life, but now I know what it takes to take better care of myself. Like gaming, like there's times where I went way too hard and everything I did and everything that I cared about, the only thing I cared about was the game, you know? And I was making sacrifices in every dimension of my life just to play the game more. So anyway, once you found that and you start to choose that version of yourself, how did you start to tweak the habits and really make this like a consistent, I mean, I don't even know if it was, but how did you actually make that a sustainable process?

Vin Infante: So I have come to find that there are two really important things you need to do. So after you do what I call the or, that thing I just described, ownership, acceptance, accountability, responsibility, you then have what I call my five aspects of mastery. And this is stuff, by the way, as I'm sharing with you guys, I didn't figure this out at 23, right? This is like, now I'm 33 and I had to reflect on like, how the hell did I do this transformation? And that's really where I came up with the concept because as I started seeing these consistencies, I was like, oh, this is what I've just done over and over and it worked. So maybe it'll work for you guys. And that's how I came up with this. So at 23, I wasn't thinking, oh, it's five aspects of mastery, but. That's what it was. So when I said, I want to be a leader, I want to be this, I want to be that. Understand those are all identities. They're all versions of yourself. We joke about it all the time where people say, oh, I have multiple personalities. The reality is you actually do. Even if you're not mentally unwell, you have multiple personalities. We all do. I'm a father, I'm a son, I'm a friend, I'm an entrepreneur, I'm a coach. I have all these different titles and each title requires me to show up a very specific way. So if you want to get extremely granular, you choose one at the start. I mean, don't get me wrong, you could do this for all of them, but I'll do a breakdown for your audience right now. Let's just use a father, for example, because that's my favorite title. And as a father, One of the things I believe I need to do is I need to be a leader. But obviously being a leader as a father and a leader as an entrepreneur are two different things because they show up differently. So what does it mean for me to be a leader as a father? Well, it means I'm going to impart my values. on my child. It means I'm gonna teach her what I believe to be right and what I believe to be wrong. It means I'm going to lead by example. It means I'm going to keep my word. It means all of these different things. And as I get very detailed on what it means to lead as a father, now I have to put that into play. So what I've come to learn is there's only five things you could actually control in this world. Those are my five aspects of mastery. The other thing is that you have an opportunity for influence. Influence and control are two different things. Influence is gained by your ability to control yourself and then through the mastery of yourself potentially shift external circumstances like other people's behaviors, trajectory of a company, all those things. But if you focus on those things first, you're going to feel helpless and out of control. But if you focus on you, you'll start taking your power and enhancing it. So these five aspects are very simple. You can only control your thoughts, your language, your behaviors, your actions, and your emotions. Each identity that you build actually has all five of those in it as well. So if you go back to like, what is it to be a leader as a father, there's going to be actions, there's going to be behaviors, there's going to be language you use, there's going to be emotions you experience or feel or inspire others to feel. And of course, there's going to be these factors that you can only control within you. Like if I want to be a good leader and show my daughter, hey, lashing out in anger or causing harm to others is a bad thing. I shouldn't do it when my daughter does something that annoys me and I start yelling at her like a maniac. So you really have to learn to temper and control yourself to be able to show up as the best versions of you, which give you the best opportunities to influence your life.

Andres: And there's obviously a lot of overlap between all these personalities. So let me ask you this. How easily would you say you can transition from one to the other? Let me give you a specific scenario. Let's say that you are chatting with a friend and he's an executive and then you realize that he could use your help professionally as well, but you want to have that fine balance where, you know, the number one priority is to honor and respect the friendship and treat him like he's family, but then also step into your, you know, ability and your personality as as a coach, how have you found that fine balance where you honor the overlap but you can still shift in and out in a mindful and respectful way?

Vin Infante: I've come to actually just make it a very clear and simple boundary. If you want my ongoing support, and I feel like it requires a lot more time than I'm willing to give energetically, emotionally, or whatever that might be, I will tell you we need to transition into a professional relationship. If I don't feel that way, then I will just be a great friend and I will just give you some really sound advice. And I'm very big on protecting this because what we do in you and I is very different. There's tangible value. If I owned a restaurant and you are a friend of mine and you came to my restaurant, I know you wouldn't expect free steak 24-7, right? That would be so unreasonable because you know I have to go out and buy the steak and pay the cook and pay this guy and the delivery guy and pay for the meat. There's so many things you wouldn't even imagine asking me for a free steak every time you came to the restaurant. Yet, when it comes to coaching and it comes to the therapeutic practice or mentorship, A lot of people don't consider that. They're like, but why? I don't get it. Why do you want to be paid? You're just talking to me. It doesn't cost you anything to talk to me. And it's like, well, actually, that's where you're wrong. It costs me something that's even more valuable than that steak, which is my time that I'll never get back. And depending on how you've shown up in my life is how I'm willing to show up in your life. Like if you've been somebody who's been an amazing friend to me and I know like I can confide in you and it's a very mutually beneficial relationship in the sense that there is not a feeling that I'm just giving to you. I will 100% just talk to you and help you solve your problems. I don't care. But I've had friends who literally only hit me up when their life sucks, and then I don't hear from them. And I'd even say, hey dude, let's go out and grab dinner. Oh yeah, we'll make it happen. Months go by, no dinner, no hangout. And then they're like, dude, I got this problem right now. I'm like, that's great. Let's talk numbers. because I recognize it, right? And so I think in our specific field, because you're doing something extremely similar, we have to be so protective of the fact that people will not respect us and our profession if we allow that. So I've had to be extremely cautious of what is my relationship with this individual? Do I feel like it's even and aligned and energetic? Do I feel like, even if there is an imbalance, does that matter to me? Because it doesn't have to, right? I'm not saying if we're not even, you're not my friend. I'm just saying, you know, do I feel like what I get from this relationship is worth me also pouring my time, my energy, my expertise, my effort into it? Or should I say, you know what, I really recognize what's going on and I don't even know if we're friends, but we could talk numbers for sure.

Andres: That's amazing. Well said, man. And, um, yeah, I think it, you know, in my case, I think I've been pretty good about drawing that line, but sometimes there is a little bit of like that nuance and, and I admire your, it seems like you have really gone above and beyond in thinking about this. Cause I'm sure a lot of people in your life that have seen your transformation and are able and willing to seek your help, they want to be mindful and respectful of you too, you know, because they've seen how far you've come. But hey, you're a friend of mine. Like, I always tell my clients, like, the number one thing that is going to help us be successful in this process is not what I'm telling you or what I'm telling you, but having a relationship and having trust, because then that allows me energetically to understand what you really need, why and how and when. Right. And that's something that most people, maybe they don't know that they're signing up for something like that, but that's what makes. us so successful is that we know how to tap into that and how to explore that and how to honor that and then provide actionable steps. You know, so it's everything. And it is something that it is a precious resource. And the way that we take care of ourselves and live our lives as these healthy, high-performing people that lead by example, it helps us step into that energy and ability more readily, more easily, more sustainably. So it takes, look, I mean, I share this quote often. I think you'll like it. It's by Joe Holder, one of the big Nike trainers. It takes being selfish to be selfless. So the way that we take care of ourselves, everything from our health and well-being and fitness to setting boundaries, even with people that we care about the most. so that we can provide a space for them and for us to dive into an experience like that, respecting each other, but still honoring what we have foundationally and fundamentally. Yeah. So very well said, man. Thank you for elaborating and showing us how to find that careful and that delicate balance.

Vin Infante: And also, I just want to say one thing, too, for all the listeners, right? I think it's important to recognize that not everybody gives good advice. So if you're one of those rare friends that do give good advice, because dude, I, me, if I want advice, I can literally only talk to like one person in my circle. Realistically. I, I do not have a lot of people that could give me good advice and I've seen it. I'll sit there and I'll, I'll articulate things to people or I'll question things or I'll, I'll help them think through something and then give them a solution or whatever the case may be. And there's some people I'll talk to and they'll just be like, yeah, I don't know, man. That sounds tough, like whatever you think. I'm like, thanks, bud. So for anyone who's out there that's in a space like me or like, you know, Andreas, if you feel like people are sucking your time, and you know that you're really good at listening and giving advice, that means that you're attentive, that means that you care, that means you have a skill and an ability, and don't just be so quick to devalue yourself. Don't be so quick to say no to yourself, because I love, like the quote you just gave, I have a very similar quote, which is, sometimes saying no to others is saying yes to yourself, and you have to say yes to yourself more times than you say no to others, because the problem is, if you don't, Everybody will keep going until you eventually do say no. And that's why standards are so important and boundaries are so important. Not because of the fact that people want to disrespect you, but people will do whatever you set the precedent is for them. People will get away with things, not intentionally, just because it's normal to them because you've set that standard. So I hope you guys take standards and saying yes and no very seriously.

Andres: Yeah, and by the way, we offer premium services and experiences for our clients. We work with typically, you could say a select clientele. And I think that when, in my experience, and I'm sure you can relate, some of these people just have egos and that's okay, everyone has an ego. But sometimes they wanna do things on their terms and they don't respect you as a professional. I don't like to look up or down on my clients. I like to see eye to eye. I don't care who you are, but I'm gonna make sure that, I don't let my clients just call me whenever. Let's put something on the calendar when I can. And also it's out of respect for you, not just for me. So that I know that when we connect, I can give you my full attention and presence in that moment. That's the most valuable thing that I can give you. The best way that I can spend my time to help you with your time. So I've had to learn to draw that line. And I think a lot of people that are, you know, let's say someone, a coach wants to work with a similar clientele, work with these high achieving, high performers and executives, like you have to learn how to respect yourself too, because you make yourself too available or too loose. You're going to end up resenting yourself, your job and the people that you work with. And they need to be trained too. You can work mutually together to deliver the best outcome. So I've had to learn a lot of that, and dude, trust me, I've learned it the hard way. And it's not easy. Sometimes you get negative feedback. But hey man, it's so important because that's how you level up. And like you said, you have to set that standard. You have to set the standard.

Vin Infante: I got fired by one of my first ever executive coaching clients because I did not have good standards. Me personally. She was a powerhouse of a woman. She wanted to level up and she hired me to be her coach and things were going well at the start. And then slowly she started doing power plays that I never addressed. I'll give you just a simple example. I would go to her office. She had two chairs. One of them was like the desk for the expert. The other was the seat for the visitor. And she, when we first started, she's like, you take the desk. You're the expert. They're like, okay. And then eventually maybe about halfway through the package, she started walking in and taking the desk. And I never said anything about it. I never said that's my seat. And now the roles are flipped. And it's funny because we don't think it's a big deal, but it is. It's a big deal. And people will perceive you in the way that you allow them to perceive you. And the reason that I didn't push back was one, because I had still a very therapist mindset or very therapist framework of like, you know, respect clients autonomy. And you can't really respect autonomy when you have to tell somebody like what to do sometimes, right? And I never challenged her in that way. And then the other part was because I was just starting out and I really needed money. I was also afraid of losing her as a client. So I figured if I said something that might have been challenging that she might not have liked because it would have come off standoffish. Then I would have lost her as a client but the funny part was the self-fulfilling prophecy was because I didn't hold good standards for myself and our Relationship and how she needed to show up and how I needed to show up. She fired me. Anyway, I lost that money She told me there was she she didn't even know why I was still there because I couldn't help her and then I was like damn I gotta figure this out now because what the hell was that?

Andres: Yeah, I was going through like a bit of an identity crisis when I was working with and flying around the world with my first billionaire client. And one of the issues that we had was that a lot of the communication was relayed between him and his assistant. And so I wasn't speaking directly with him a lot of the time. And lovely team, awesome. That's great. I understand he's busy, but it completely botched the experience. And he ended up, I ended up, he ended up like looking down on me and it just created this massive imbalance. It's like, if you hired me for a reason, like I'm here as an expert helping to hold you accountable on what I think matters so that you can live better, live longer, you know, have a better quality of life. I can't work this way. Inevitably, I was fired, right? But now I have many clients like him, same level of, you know, success. And I, dude, I set the bar. And I'll tell you what, if you actually, because it has to be aligned with your identity, like if you have that imposter syndrome, they can smell it and you will fail miserably. So I've had to learn to set that standard and they love it. They love it because it's what they're paying for. They're paying for that. And and so but it takes that like evolution and learning the hard way, you know, dude, I was broken when I got fired. It was like, oh, yeah, I was living the dream. I was getting paid six figures a year by one client. And I had other online clients that I was working with at the time. And I was flying all over the world in a G5 50 in a Gulfstream jet. I got fired. It sucked, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Vin Infante: Yeah, dude, the best lessons are after the hardest moments. That's a fact 100% of the time. Everybody listening needs to embrace hardship because that's the only way to grow.

Andres: So tell us, how did you go from, you know, psychotherapist to becoming that coach or this coach, the executive coach? And how do you still honor a lot of that like medical training and background and scientific approach? Because I understand now it's, it's more, I mean, it's more like your battleground, right? It's more like your personal brand and identity coming to life through the experience. And you get to add on more of your unique, you know, life experience values and characteristics and, and sprinkle more of that in. So how did you make that transition and how different are the two? How similar or different are they? Yeah, how did I become that guy?

Vin Infante: Love that question.

Andres: The guy. How did you become the guy?

Vin Infante: I'm that guy, so. It was actually interesting. I forgot to talk about this, but ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be a psychotherapist, because my dad's a therapist. Oh, wow. I didn't know that. That's what actually inspired me to say, like, dude, I'm talking, I was in the fifth grade or younger and everybody's asking, what do you want to be when you grow up? And I say, I want to be a therapist and a firefighter. And people like, wow, you're going to be a therapist for firefighters. I was like, no, I'm going to be a therapist like my dad and a firefighter because I'm going to be a hero. And people would say, wow, you have big, ambitious goals. Like you might want to choose one. And for all of you listening, I didn't choose one. I did both. So really, yes, we'll get to that in a second. So I started my journey working as a mental health worker, which was basically, um, an untitled, I don't want to say I was a therapist cause I wasn't, but I worked alongside psychologists, psychotherapists. I would help co-facilitate group therapy sessions at 18. I was teaching mindfulness and implementing therapeutic practices with patients on social media.

Andres: Well, no, wait, what? You were at 18, before any of this was on social media and people thought it was sexy and cool, you were doing it. Well, I was doing psychotherapeutic work at 18. Right, but you were hosting these group experiences and teaching people mindfulness, right? So I was working at a- That was 15 years ago.

Vin Infante: Yeah, well, I was working at a hospital. My dad was a director there, so nepotism was good. And because I was going to college and getting my degree in psychology, and I had my first year under my belt, I started working as a mental health worker, and I was working in a clinical program. And this clinical program had group therapy sessions that they were doing. And it was an adolescent program, so we had kids from seven to 21 in this program. and we would facilitate group therapy sessions every single morning, and as a mental health worker, and as somebody who was studying psych, and as the director's son, I had a little bit more liberty than, you know, maybe most, because there was more trust, there was more authority, and obviously I was like in it, right? So the therapist would allow me to potentially lead these sessions. They would say, hey, do you have an activity you want to do with the children here? Would you like to do something? And I would say, oh, yeah, I've learned we could do an art program for them and have them draw a photo and determine what the photo means and ask them about it. And so I would get creative and I would work alongside these therapists and really work on these practices. So that was at 18. I was also a personal trainer. And once I graduated at 23, I had a few different experiences through my internships as playing psychotherapist in these different roles. But from 18 to 28, I was in a multitude of different roles within my field. So I had worked in inpatient units with schizophrenics. I worked in outpatient units, hospitals, homeless shelters, clinics. I've worked in the Department of Education. I did applied behavioral analysis. I was a traveling home therapist. And for that 10 years, I was just doing all different forms of therapy, and none of them felt aligned. I didn't love what I was doing. I felt like it was a business. I felt like people were stuck, and I felt like people really weren't getting the help they needed. And so I got very disenfranchised with the business. So I was like, you know what? I wanna help people. I don't know how to help them in a different way, but I still wanna do something that helps people. And I was telling my girl at the time, You know, I said, maybe I need to build my own thing. She's like, well, what do you mean? I was like, I don't know. Maybe I could become an entrepreneur somehow or like start my own therapeutic practice or whatever. And she said, well, that's a great idea. She's like, well, why don't you do it? I'm like, well, because I work 40 plus hours a week as a therapist right now and I have too big of a caseload and I have no time. The usual excuses as to why people don't want to improve their circumstance. Right. And so. Now at 28, going into 29 years old, I had this opportunity to become a firefighter and join the FDNY. I took the exam and I got called. I was one of the top in the class. I scored 103 on the exam, which put me in a very first line position. And so with that, she said to me, I'll never forget, She said, you know, you've been saying you want to start a business, but you have no time. Once you become a firefighter, you'll have time because you'll work those 24 hour tours and you'll have time off and yada yada. She said, I think if you're going to choose this, you could always go back to therapy. If you're going to choose to become a firefighter, you also have to promise yourself you're going to start your business. So I said, okay, sure. So I made the leap, became a firefighter. And while I was a firefighter, I discovered this really, really, you might've heard of him, this really tall dude with a raspy voice who tells people I could change your life. His name's Tony Robbins. Yeah. And so I basically, I like to joke around, but he is the Messiah of life coaching. And I was fascinated because I had never seen somebody that was taking people who were in therapy for 15 to 20 years and helping them in 15 to 20 minutes. I was like, why did I not learn that in school? What the hell is that? And that embarked me on my journey of wanting to become a coach. So I specifically followed him. I got my coaching certification and training under Tony Robbins while I was a firefighter, while I was building the business. And after a year in the fire department, which by the way, I was there during COVID. So I had a unique opportunity where everybody remembers the incubation period is like 48 hours. So you'd have one tour, 24 hours on, two days off, 24 hours on, two days off. And so with that, on my two days off, I would just build my coaching business. And the interesting thing for any of you entrepreneurs out there that are listening, you know, when you start a business, you just need money. So what do you do? You take everybody and anybody, even if they're a terrible fit for your service or product, you just need money. So I did that. I worked with everyone. And what I started realizing was. there was a unique opportunity in the market. There's therapy, there's mentoring, there's coaching, nobody's doing all of it. Why not? Why can't we integrate the three different practices into one modality? So I started doing it myself. Yeah, exactly. So I started doing it myself. I wanted to create something unique, something that I thought was better. I started really disliking traditional therapy. And I actually had very little respect once I found out that most of the coaching programs in this industry and most coaches are full of shit and suck. So at that point, I was like, you know what? I hate the coaching industry. I don't like traditional therapy anymore. I think they both suck. And the world needs a different way of looking at mental health and mental performance. And I'm going to try it. And that's what just gave birth to my hybrid methodology. And to my surprise, the market chose me. I worked with everyone, but the people I got the best results with and had the most fun with were the high performers, the entrepreneurs, the business owners, the people that live these high-stress lifestyles that probably needed therapy but only wanted coaching because they didn't even realize I Trojan-horsed them. They hired me as a coach and we did a little bit of therapy and we got them phenomenal results because it wasn't just therapy and it wasn't just coaching. It was all of it combined.

Andres: Beautiful. Can you remind me, what were the three roles? You said coach, therapist, and? Mentor. And mentor. So get this, you know, a lot of people, let's say they focus on doing one of these things, right? And they spend countless years of their lives pursuing this one path. Right, and let's say maybe optimistically they make it to the top 20% in that profession. Sure. Right? I think most people can do that. You study hard enough, you look things up on your free time, you actually apply yourself, right? So let's say that you're in the- Mastery is 10,000 hours. Right. So let's say that you're in the top 20% for one of these individual roles. You compete with a lot of people. But if you blend two of these roles, you multiply 0.2 by 0.2, you get 0.04, right? You take another one of those roles, and let's say you're also the top 20% of that role. You multiply it out. Now you're at 0.008, I believe. Multiply it by 100. Basically, you're in the top 0.8%. All of a sudden, you become a top 1%-er because you have found a clever blend of skills that has made you more unique than anybody else.

SPEAKER_04: Hmm?

Andres: You don't even have to be the best at any one of these categories. And I'm sure that you're way beyond the 20% in all three of those. But what I'm trying to say is like, the clever blend of skills is such an incredible way to become a leveraged individual. And that gives you freedom because you can charge, you're solving more specific problems for more specific people. And people are willing, the right people are willing to pay a lot more money to solve that very specific problem that only you can solve. Because it just comes down to, well, what is, it's basic economics, right? Supply versus demand. So I can identify with this too, and I knew that having this clever bunch of skills would make me unique. I read a book called The Almanac of Nirmala Ravi Khan, I don't know if you're familiar, but I think that for any entrepreneur, and Hormozio will say this as well, solve big problems that only you can solve for a very small number of people and you'll be successful. It's unbelievable how you've been able to do that because yeah, a lot of people approach people like yourself for the coaching and then deliver that specific knowledge that they really need. You give them what they want in order to give them what they need, right? A lot of people approach me for they want to have a six pack. All right, well, let's look at the underlying physiology. Let's look at your nutrition, let's look at your neuroscience, right? So that's amazing, bro. Trojan horse, I'm gonna start using that. That's incredible. That's awesome.

Vin Infante: And it's that thing, right? Because people come to you thinking they know what they need, but this is the interesting thing. We only know what we know and we don't know what we don't know. It's a very simple saying, but it's really true. Like a lot of high performers, I'll talk to you really quick about this because I think this is the biggest thing that explains what I do better. And a lot of high performers will come to me and they'll be very fascinated by what I'm doing. I don't, by the way, everyone who's listening, I don't sell my coaching. I never sell it. I don't have to because I just talk about what I know problems are that people encounter and then they get curious if they've encountered that very same problem. And so this is kind of how I talk about it. I'll say, the average high performer probably needs therapy. They've probably been curious about therapy. They probably even went to therapy for months or years. And here's what usually happens. You go in. And all you do is talk about your past all the time. And you feel stuck because all you're doing is talking about something you literally cannot change. Now, is there benefit in there? Is there value in there? Of course there is. The value and the benefit of therapy is having the awareness, the awareness of what's occurred and how that's influenced and shaped your present state of being because 99% of the problems you have in this present state of being is not because of the fact that you're a capable adult that came across a problem. It's because of the fact that at one point in your life you were an uncapable child, you were helpless to your circumstance or whatever happened to you, and you built up a meaning, a belief system, and a survival methodology so that you could deal with life. However, it's still perpetuating today and it does not serve you anymore. So therapy will take you there and it will help you with that, but once you have that, Done. There's no point to therapy anymore. That's it. It's half of the puzzle. So a lot of entrepreneurs, high performers, they get frustrated because they're like, I have this awareness and I don't know what to do with it. Because every time I go back to therapy, they just want to talk about my mom again. We already know how much my mom screwed me up. I'm over her. And so that's where a coach really comes in. And a coach is supposed to challenge you to elevate your standards. They're supposed to challenge you to come up with plans of action, take massive action, do things differently, say the things you want, and then challenge you to become the person that you say you want to be through a specific series of actions, events, or whatever it might look like. The problem most coaches face is that they suck at doing depth work with you because one, they're not allowed to technically. Like if you ever go really deep with your clients, you can, but you better hope that they don't decide to sue you and say, Hey, this guy's trying to do therapy on me and he's, he's practicing as a therapist and he's not, he's a fraud. And now you have a lawsuit on your hands. So you can, if you trust the fact that your clients won't report you, but You also run that risk, right? So a lot of coaches are scared of doing that. And they're also aware that that's no longer coaching and they stay away from that. But the problem is a lot of people that take action, they'll take inspired or maybe a more appropriate term is they take motivated action, motivations and emotion. It fades. So a lot of people hire a coach. They'll do phenomenal for the first week of the first month and then. Boom, right back to their old ways. And now the coach is just saying, hey, come on, man, you had this thing to do. Why didn't you do it? And it's like, well, I don't know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then the coach will be like, well, you know, you got to end it. And then it's just a rehashing of nothing, and they don't make progress. So your coach is going to miss the pitfalls you're going to have. They're going to miss the reasons you're stuck in the first place and the reasons you didn't achieve the goal. And then the last piece is the mentorship. Mentorship is two things. It's educating someone. giving them skill sets, knowledge sets, tool sets, resources, maybe connections, um, teaching them things that will help them on their journey. It's not always book specific, but it is always educational in nature because it'll share information or it'll share experience. And a lot of the times the problem that people have with mentors specifically is that a mentor might be too far removed from where you're at in life. They might not know how to articulate the information or the experience properly so that you can translate it into your world. Because they're not a trained professional, they might not have the abilities to communicate with you effectively. They might not actually know how to give you guidance. But of course, because they've achieved something you want, you see them as a mentor. And so this is kind of how I blend my three hybrid, the hybrid methodology, because I solve the problems of all three of these. So you get all the upsides and none of the downsides because I know how to do all three of them. So I'll take you on your journey. I'll help you figure out your past. I will give you the information, the experience, share the things you need to have shared with you. And then we'll set up that action plan to really get you to that stage you want to be in. And trust, if you hit a hole or a pitfall, we'll know why you did it and we'll make you better and make sure you overcome it as opposed to saying, well, I guess we're just stuck until you take the action. And that's why I started creating this hybrid. And that's the problems most people are facing. And that's usually why they'll come to me. Now, the tangible thing. is if you were to have a coach, a therapist, and a mentor, you're talking about three different problems with three different people, which means unfocused, enhancement of the time spent, you're probably paying at least two of them, even if your mentor's generous enough to do it for free, you're definitely paying your coach and your therapist, and you're paying more money, spending more time unfocused and spending more time focusing on many different things, and nobody has the full story or understanding of you. So my thing is I'll collapse the time frame, I'll save you money, I'll save you energy, I will help you basically get the thing you're looking for 10 times quicker than anything you could do individually. Wow.

Andres: Dude, round of applause. That's incredible, man. And the way that you can pinpoint, you know, what role you play in each part of these experiences. And obviously, I'm sure that at times it's a, really all the time, it's a blend. Dynamic. Yeah, it's very dynamic. Dude, this is unbelievable. Just absolutely incredible. Thank you. I'm sure your clients are very happy to have you in their inner circle. Yeah, I can't thank you enough for sharing this and for realizing that this is something that needs to happen for the people that want to step into their excellence, don't know how, don't have the right help. Or like you said, it's like just, it's, it's, it's, they spread themselves too, too thin because they go in all these different directions and it's not like synchronized. So this is unbelievable, man. You know, something that we talked about before the show that I want to make sure that we tap into before we sign off here, you know, in these last 10 minutes. I wanted to ask you about, you know, how do high performers, how can they find the blend between having that edge that drives them from the pain that they've experienced in their lives? and healing from that so they can still be functional, regulated human beings in the present moment? Like how do you find the right balance between being motivated by your pain, but also not taking away from quality of life because of it?

Vin Infante: That's such a, I love that you did bring that up, because that is such a big concern I get hit with all the time. People are petrified of losing their edge. But Vin, if I don't hate myself, and I don't feel like I'm a piece of crap. How do I be successful? I've built everything because I've been a piece of, a self-hating narcissist. What do I do? Yeah. It's actually very simple. You create meaning bigger than yourself. The whole reason that you successfully became an entrepreneur or whatever you did because you hated yourself was because you had a reason bigger than yourself. It was just to get back at people though. It was to show them like, see, I'm not that little bullied loser. You see, I'm actually really cool. In fact, you're fat and I'm rich and I'm in shape and you're working a nine to five. It's like, that's cool until you realize that you're also never going to be happy. So you'll keep your edge, but you'll also never be happy. Because as you work and you work and you turn around, you realize you have nothing there. You have money, but what's money? It's money chases value. So yes, you've done something to provide value, whether it's a service or a product. But what do you actually have? Do you have emotion? When you're alone, do you like yourself? Do you have a family that cares about you? Are you divorced three times at this point? Do your kids talk to you? Do you have any friends? Do you have genuine friends? Like, I'm not talking about the friends that you go out and take a yacht with and spend a few hundred thousand dollars at dinners with. I'm talking about if you didn't have any of that, do you actually have a friend? And a lot of the times the answer is no, because when you run on that type of fuel, you're not doing things with heart. You're not doing it with generosity. You're not doing it in a way that builds real connection and a fulfilling life. You're doing it because you're still avoiding the fact that you actually still feel that way. And no matter how much success you have, you're probably still going to feel that way. That's the funny thing. That edge or that energy that has that edge, it's consuming. It's a black hole. The more you feed into the fact that you know you suck and you're not good enough and you're a piece of crap, the more you continue to feed that hole and it becomes bigger and bigger and bigger. And the metric just moves. It's like, well, I'm still a piece of crap until I make $100 million. Then you made $100 million, have a private jet and you're like, Well, I'm still a piece of crap until my yacht's 150 feet and my private jet's bigger and I have $300 million. And it goes and goes and goes. And so the interesting thing, though, if you look at what that underlying is, is one, you've just created purpose. That's it. Your purpose is to prove others wrong. What if you found purpose in your child? What if you found purpose in building a family that you're proud of? What if you found purpose in being the kind of man you'd like to become? It's basically just switching the view. Can't you be a man that has purpose, meaning, and value, and also still feel fulfilled? And I would argue that the answer is yes. And actually, that's more sustainable because it comes with less resistance. Life isn't as hard. It actually is easier. It's funner. Life is better. You have better experiences. Your relationships are more genuine. And I've worked with a lot of those guys. I've worked with the guys that are afraid of losing their edge. And the funny thing is, they don't lose their edge, they actually get more. Because when you have more meaning of something greater than yourself, like, I can't fail at this because I have my daughter that depends on me. That's going to make me more powerful than that selfish guy that's out for himself. You know why? Because if one day he doesn't give a shit about himself, he'll stop working. If there's a day that I don't give a shit about myself, I can't stop because I care more about my daughter, and my family, and taking care of her, and providing a life for her, and making sure she could say that she's proud of her dad. Like, there's a million more reasons why I won't quit before you do. And even if you're more successful than me now, me having this mindset, this internal dialogue, and that deeper purpose, I will always be more successful than you, and I guarantee I will go further. I'm gonna go tell my girlfriend right now that this weekend we're making a kid. Oh my God, it will hamper your life so much. You have no idea. We'll spend another podcast on that one.

Andres: Oh my goodness. No, man, I'll tell you what, I really admire your answer here and how simple, well, not easy, but simple it really is to find that, to choose something bigger than yourself. But aside from that, yeah, look, I'm not ready for this now, I don't think, but I'm looking forward to being a father someday. Absolutely. I can't wait. It's beautiful. And I really admire, you know, I'm still getting to know you, man. I mean, I just met you, but I'm getting to know you. And I can tell, man, that you are just such a devoted father. And the other day where the executive team requested you to be on stage, like on her birthday, and you said, all right, fine, under the condition that you guys sing happy birthday to her on stage. Tell us that story. Tell us that story, man. Perfect overlap of personalities right there, by the way.

Vin Infante: Yeah, I, I, so I had the speaking engagement and they said it has to be on February 15th. And I said, that's my daughter's birthday. I, can I do any other day? And they're like, no, we're sorry. This is the only slot we could give you. And I said, well, if that's the case, I'm bringing my family to the engagement. Like not, not, not going to be with my daughter on her birthday. Like that's ridiculous. So had this speaking engagement and you know, you could kind of do what you want on the speaking engagement as long as it's not anything too crazy. And I cut my speech like a minute and a half short. And I said, I actually changed the whole thing. So I was going to do the speech on my five aspects of mastery and identity. And I was like, you know what? I'm just going to focus on one part of the aspect of mastery, which is behavior. And behavior is about attitude towards life. And your attitude determines your experiences. So, I created a very interactive speech where I actually gave the audience an experience. I said, will you all please join me, do X, Y, and Z, and I had them do a whole bunch of different things to get them into a mood of creating experiences. I love that. I said, and guys and girls, by the way, in a fun turn of events, would you all, now that we've had an experience, and I've created one for you, would you do me a favor and help create an experience for me? Today is actually my daughter's birthday, and she's in the back of the room right now. Now, mind you, she just turned two, so she doesn't know what the hell's going on. But I go, she's in the back of the room right now. Would you please give her an experience that she'll never forget, and myself included, and please sing happy birthday with me? And so I used my last like minute and a half of the speech to have a whole audience of 500 people sing my daughter happy birthday. 500 people. 500 people. She must have been terrified. She had no idea what was going on. It was hilarious. Like you see, so we got it on video cause my, obviously my girl had her in the back and uh, it was funny. She has it on video and Sage, Sage is just like looking around. Everybody's like staring at her and singing and she's just like, like she doesn't know.

Andres: Wow, man. That's absolutely incredible. Wow. Well, before we sign off here, man, I wanted to ask you just one final question. Well, I guess technically two because I want people to know where they can find you and it'll be in the show notes anyway. But my last podcasting question for you is, you know, if you could put a word, message or phrase on a billboard somewhere in the world, what would it say and where would you put it?

Vin Infante: So I have a quote that I like and I think that where I would put it is interesting. I don't know. That's a good question. Maybe I would probably want to put it Oh, this is interesting. This is coming to me. I don't know where this is coming from. But I would want to put it on maybe like a popular hiking trail. For me, there was a lot of traffic when I hiked Zion National Park and Angels Landing. And I think that this would be a great place for this reminder. So I have a little catchphrase that I use. And my catchphrase is, you can either consciously create your life or passively experience it. And the reason that I would put it on a hiking trail is because people, if you're on a hiking trail, you're disconnected. Usually from the reality that you're stuck in. And a lot of research has shown too, when things can create a sense of awe, like that hiking trail would, and you have this sense of awe, you're more open to the possibilities of life than if you're in this locked in state of like your everyday nine to five life. So I don't want somebody to see it on a billboard in a city. It won't mean anything to them, but when they're out there, they're, seeing this amazing view, they're in the sense of awe, the beauty of the world, and they read that quote, I think they might really reconsider something in their life, and I hope that it helps them change it.

Andres: I think this is my favorite answer to this question that I've ever gotten. Honestly, honestly, I've had folks tell me, and I think it's cool, I mean, people tell me like, oh, I put this on the moon, I put it in Times Square, I put it in Dubai. Hell yeah, that's awesome. But that's my favorite answer I've ever gotten, man. Thank you for sharing that. And I love the little catchphrase. Where can people find you, my man?

Vin Infante: Yeah, so I'm all over Google. You can just search up my name, but best spot, go to my Instagram. It's vin.infante. Or you can check out my website, www.vincentinfante.life. There's tons of stuff on there, lots of free things. Please take advantage of all of that. This is the best spot. You find me on LinkedIn, TikTok, I'm everywhere and my name is pretty much the same. Try to keep it uniform, Vin Infante everywhere.

Andres: Beautiful, man. Honor and pleasure, brother. Thank you so much. Thanks for having me, man. Appreciate it. My pleasure. Yeah, I can't wait to share this with the listeners. We'll see you soon. Yep, bye. So that's all for today's show. Thank you so much for tuning in today. For all of the show notes, including clickable links to anything and everything that we discussed today, everything from discount codes to videos, to research articles, books, tips, tricks, techniques, and of course, to learn more about the guest on today's episode, all you have to do is head to my website, AndresPreschel.com. That's A-N-D-R-E-S-P-R-E-S-C-H-E-L.com. and go to podcasts. You can also leave your feedback, questions, and suggestions for future episodes, future guests, so on and so forth. Thanks again for tuning in and I'll see you on the next one. Have a lovely rest of your day.