Know Your Physio

If You’re a High Performer, This Podcast Will Make You Uncomfortable—in the Best Way

• Leila Entezam • Episode 138

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High performers often excel in their careers but struggle silently with emotional regulation, strained relationships, and a constant feeling of disconnection. In this episode, neuro-emotional intelligence expert Leila Entezam breaks down why these patterns are so common—and what to do about them.

From misunderstood communication styles to the hidden costs of efficiency, Leila shares powerful insights from her work with elite performers, along with practical tools to build emotional mastery without sacrificing ambition. Topics include imposter syndrome, attachment patterns, self-awareness, and redefining balance.

Whether you’ve been called a narcissist, feel stuck in surface-level relationships, or just want to deepen your inner work, this conversation will shift your perspective and challenge how you define peak performance.

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[00:05:49] High performers' unique challenges.

[00:09:14] High performer's definition of balance.

[00:12:24] Balancing work and relationships.

[00:17:32] Self-awareness in relationships.

[00:22:38] Reintegration after high performance isolation.

[00:25:15] Emotional threat and relationships.

[00:27:21] High performers and narcissism.

[00:38:25] Self-awareness through the SETUP tool.

[00:45:11] Somatic awareness in high performance.

[00:49:24] Community as a performance enhancer.

[00:56:17] Removing toxic relationships.

[00:58:16] Relief through high performance.

[01:04:46] Responsibility with freedom.

Links Mentioned:

The Heart of Peak Performance: Emotional Mastery for High Performing Men

High Performers Self Assessment

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Leila Entezam:
High performers often have imposter syndrome, they have sensitive egos, the idea of like, oh my God, I'm going to fail at this thing. You know, they achieve success in so many other pillars, but relationship after relationship fails. And then there's this like emptiness of, okay, I've achieved all this success, but there's this deeper part of me. is not at peace, is not fulfilled. And so it becomes, you know, you kind of hit this place where something's got to give. You have a very abrupt and blunt style, and people can assume you to be rude and harsh, but that's not your intention. You're, in fact, quite sensitive and more sensitive than the average person. You can trigger easily. It's not because you don't care. It's because this is just your style.

Andres Preschel: You know, it's funny, my mom has a saying, she goes, don't clear something up because you'll darken it. If you could put a word, message, or phrase on a billboard somewhere in the world, what would it say and where would you put it?

Leila Entezam: It would say, are you at peace?

Andres Preschel: Are you at peace? Yeah.

Leila Entezam: Are you at peace on this?

Andres Preschel: All right, you guys, welcome back to the Know Your Physio podcast. I'm here with Laila Antizam, and we have a lot of exciting material we're gonna cover today about emotional regulation, high performance, her new book, and how to make better decisions, among other things. So, Laila, welcome to the show. It's so great to have you here.

Leila Entezam: Thank you, Andres, thank you for having me.

Andres Preschel: It's my pleasure.

Leila Entezam: We like to talk about a lot of the same things, so this should be exciting.

Andres Preschel: Yes, and I want to mention if we, because I told Layla before the show, I said, hey, look, don't hold yourself back. If you want to get into the nitty gritty scientific, please. My audience loves it. But for those of you who feel lost or overwhelmed for whatever reason, I mean, please check out any relevant links that we'll provide. Check out Layla's book and make sure to ask those questions and maybe we can have her on for a part two. But I invite you to allow your curiosity to get the best of you and definitely dig in, dig deep. Alrighty, with that said, Leila, I want to start with why. Why don't you tell us a little bit about why you do what you do?

Leila Entezam: That's a great question. I think it's what I was born to do. I'm meant to do. I didn't follow a traditional path here. What I do doesn't really have a standard title like an engineer or a teacher or a doctor. And so it's just sort of morphed into the thing that it is today. So I started out in undergrad with a neuroscience degree. And then I was pre-med, but it was just sort of felt like I was swimming against the grain. So I went to business school, got an MBA, a couple of decades business experience. And that just kind of seemed much more natural to me, but something was always missing. I got another master's in psychology and I became a licensed mental health therapist, not to practice clinically, but as a way to really be immersed in understanding what drives human behavior and why we do what we do and how to create change at a sustained, deeper level. And all of those next steps kind of opened other doorways. I started coaching, started coaching executives, and then just sort of more and more elite executives and peak performers. And that's how I ended up where I am today. And then I saw that it was just the same sort of narrative over and over again. And I'm one person and I can't reach all of these people with that. And I can't tell anyone, you know, here's a book, go read it. Or here's what I did, go do it. And so I wrote a book about that experience and a lot of the tools that I share. that just came out, hoping that that would at least empower some more people with some of those tools.

Andres Preschel: Incredible. And when did you first start to feel like this was your absolute life purpose and mission? When did you start to get the evidence that this was in fact what you were meant to do?

Leila Entezam: You know, I would answer that differently. I can tell you I feel that today. I don't know when it first happened, but I do know that every step along the way has had its hesitations of like, Laila, this isn't really a thing. Or, you know, Laila, this doesn't exist. But I knew intuitively that I wasn't wrong. And so just kind of kept going forward and going forward. And every time I would see another client that it was resonating with, it was speaking to, just continuing to trust that. So I don't know about when I first felt it, but I know I definitely feel it today.

Andres Preschel: For sure. And was it a specific kind of person that you're resonating with or a specific kind of problem that spoke to your intuition or a combination of the two?

Leila Entezam: Yeah, high performers. Understanding that their brain processes information differently, that the resources that resonate with them, where they feel like someone gets them and they feel seen, that that's more rare, and that they're not gonna be as likely to go out and seek help and seek resources, seek coaching. that their experience is different. All of those things just made that passion, my passion grow for that population more and more.

Andres Preschel: Incredible. And is there any particular person or, I mean, I'm sure there's many, but is there anyone that comes to mind that helped you gain that confidence in that this absolutely was you know, what you were meant to do.

Leila Entezam: Well, I talk about in the book, my brother was my first experience with high performers because he was definitely one of them. And seeing the ways in which that was a gift and a curse. So the gift of that you could just understand things so quickly and the curse of you just knew that you were different and things didn't, you know, your world didn't kind of feel and run the same way as other people's. But your only frame of reference is your own brain. And so that's the only experience that you have. And you kind of assume everyone else's is the same. And so not understanding that, hey, what you are experiencing is not the same, the way you process is not the same. The fact that, you know, you can understand something before the explanation is even finished is not how other people operate.

Andres Preschel: Absolutely. And wow, you know, this really speaks to me because, and I'm sure a lot of people, they're tuning into the show. We have a lot of high performers that tune into the show, a lot of very, you know, what we consider neurodivergent folks tuning into the show. And a lot of my personal clients, friends, and folks in my network are, you know, extremely high performing individuals that are so unique and so different. And like you said, a lot of their gifts are also a curse. And it's a challenge every day to find the balance between the two and understand, well, what sacrifices do they have to make to be feel and to be seen as the authentic version of themselves? And it's like shooting darts and moving target. So, I mean, this really, really speaks to me and it's something that I see every single day and that I work with every single day, but it's so interesting that we have just enough overlap in what we do, but our approach is distinct enough for what you're saying really is eye-opening and it broadens my perspective and how I want to start approaching these conversations with high performers. So this is incredible how you're thinking about this and approaching this. It's really, really eye-opening.

Leila Entezam: If I could add something, if you think about something like, their definition of balance is different. People talk about balance in their lives. A high performer's definition of balance. If you, as a high performer, let's say a high performing executive male, and he's married and he's got two kids. and they're going to a birthday party for the son's friend, or they have guests over at the house, and the wife says, hey, time for the party, time for the cake, time for the whatever, be ready at two o'clock, et cetera. And this executive has something he's been mulling over in his brain, a problem he's trying to solve, something he's working on. And if you, you know, he's, something big is happening in his brain in this moment, and it's 145, 130, right? If you try to force him into, hey, I don't care that there's something big happening in your brain, I said two o'clock and you need to be ready at two o'clock, right? It's like they physically cannot stop that processing in their brain. And so if you force them to, you know, I don't care, you have to be ready at two o'clock and come to this party and put your happy face on, they're going to be miserable. So they'll come and they'll just the whole time be mulling over in their brain. As opposed to if you give them a window of, hey, go do what you need to do, you know, do that processing, do that problem solving, scratch some stuff out on a notepad, they can show up their own best selves and be much more present for that. Because that thing that's processing in their brain is consuming them. that thought they have to get out, whatever it is, and that doesn't absolve them. So there's something I have in my book called The Lab Triangle. It's love, agency, and boundary. And so there is a balance where, you know, it doesn't excuse their behavior. They are responsible for honoring the, you know, the relationship and the other person and and the agency should say, okay, I'm gonna go and do this, and I appreciate having that leeway, but then I'm gonna set a boundary for when I'll stop, and so it's not a free-for-all. There is negotiation in that, but it's also saying you have to give grace and understanding if you want that high performer's optimal self to that intricacy that's different for them, whereas for the average person, if you said, hey, be ready at two, Okay, I'll be ready at two o'clock. Does that make sense?

Andres Preschel: Laila, you have officially piqued my interest and I'm going to tell you something. I don't want to make this podcast about me, but what you just said, I feel seen in ways that I've never felt seen before, honestly. No, and I want to tell you, I it's it's so incredible to hear this from a woman, honestly, because I have suffered in my relationships, both romantic and personal, professional, because this is how I operate. And I've had people tell me on my team, I've had people tell me, look, I've my whole life I've had a huge issue with my time management. Huge issue. I've come a long way. Now I live on my calendar and I'm very meticulous about, I mean, it's almost, it's almost, it's hilarious now because even if I'm going to go see my family or friends, I put it on my calendar and I send them a calendar invite and they think it's, they hate it, but unless we do it, I'm not going to be there on time. And someone on my team years ago told me, I said, they said, Andres, yes, you have an issue with your time, but it's because when you're doing what you're doing and you love what you do every day, you're so absolutely present that you completely lose track. And I've noticed that. But you have to find a balance. And in my romantic relationships, I've suffered because sometimes my partner doesn't, you know, understand why I'm not fully present. They take it personally, which I can understand. And I, I feel really terrible about sometimes. Um, but it's that I'm consumed. I mean, I'm, I'm, I'm a CEO, I'm a podcast host. I manage 30 to 50 clients at a time and a whole team. And sometimes I'm just so fixated on a problem and I don't know how to communicate that or if it's even going to, uh, if it's really going to be appreciated for what it is, or if the thing is going to be an excuse. There's so many different ways that we can spin this, but the point is, thank you. First of all. You have piqued my interest and I'm sure I know that there's so many people like me that suffer with exactly what you're describing. And I would love for you to take us through this, like, like, how do we have this conversation when we're kind of fixing this problem and we have to spend time with those we care about? How do we how do we negotiate in that sense?

Leila Entezam: Well, I think it is, so it's interesting, there's a section in the book that's traits and behaviors of these high performers, and in particular, high performing males, and more specifically, avoidant high performing males. And I find them to more often be avoidant in their attachment style, in part because they've just, you know, always felt different, it's created isolation, et cetera.

Andres Preschel: That's me, by the way.

null: Yeah.

Leila Entezam: Not surprised. And what's interesting, I was doing a book signing event last week and I read a couple of the entries in that list and for an example of one of them would be you have a very abrupt and blunt style and people can assume you to be rude and harsh, but that's not your intention. You're in fact quite sensitive and more sensitive than the average person. You can trigger easily, but that harshness and that abruptness is oftentimes because you are efficient and you don't think about the emotions and you're just like, let's get it done. I'm too efficient. I'm definitely too efficient. It's not because you don't care. It's because this is just your style. And again, back to the love agency and boundary, we're not absolving your responsibility. You have agency. You have to honor people's boundaries. You have to show them you care. Your work is in doing that. Your partner's work is in understanding that, hey, he's not, this isn't a manifestation of him being rude or being a jerk. It's, it is him, um, uh, operating differently. And so it's as the partner gains understanding, and as you gain self-awareness, and then you meet in the middle, and what are the modifications and negotiations the two of you make?

Andres Preschel: Yeah. You know, I have become very self-aware of some of my deficits and I don't want to say, I used to think that they were just deficits in ability and I played the victim card a lot. Now I realize it's more so a deficit in my communication, you know, about how I describe my internal process and setting a boundary and also understanding my partner's boundaries. And again, this is both true to my romantic and my personal and also my professional relationships. And so my communication I feel is what's. evolved a lot, but there's always room to grow. And so what do you think, let's say, because I know you focus mostly on men, working with men, right?

Leila Entezam: For coaching, it's men and women. The book has some elements that are just about people in general, because, you know, it's all the same brain. And then some elements that are about high performers in particular, and then high performing men in intimate relationships. So it kind of has that scope, but it's the fact that it has high-performing men in intimate relationships in a way that they don't find in other platforms, which is what makes that specificity.

Andres Preschel: I'm sure every man tuning into this, including myself, wants to identify as a high-performing male, but why don't you, can you take us through, how do you think a man and a woman should approach their respective partner when, you know, they consider themselves or they are considered a high-performing individual, they have these relative I don't want to call them deficits. They have these difficulties and they want to improve their communication. They want to help, you know, open up and express themselves and find, you know, a good compromise or solution. How do you think on both ends these, you know, individuals should approach the conversation?

Leila Entezam: I think the biggest favor that you can do yourself and your partner, personal, professional, doesn't matter, the landscape, is to start with your own self-awareness. And so the more you grow your self-awareness skills, the more that you are then better equipped to grow your awareness of other people. And so working on your own self-awareness, the journaling, your somatic awareness, your physical sensations in your body are a whole other data set we often leave behind. Your emotions are often a whole other data set males in particular leave behind. And so the more you become the master of yourself, the better you can communicate what your experience is, and through that, better try to understand your partner's experience. So if you're doing that and your partner is doing that as well, both of you are now strengthening your muscles.

Andres Preschel: And that's easier said than done because I mean, I'm sure a lot of hype I know a lot of performers are so consumed by what they do and Maybe they don't realize how big of an issue this is and so they don't prioritize it But it's something that I know because I believe me I mean I've I've hit the wall with this so many times in my life I mean I've really made a fool of myself and I've had to have some very difficult conversations with myself and other people because of you know my difficulties But it's something that it's like it's a proactive effort, you know.

Leila Entezam: Sorry. Yes. It's something you touched on is that, you know, it's in particular for high performers that you are used to, you know, mastering something and being really good at it. Right. And that thing is often not the emotional space. So it's like taking this high performer and saying, hey, you're really good at the things that you do. How about you come and do this thing that you know you're not good at? That's probably not appealing to you. They're less inclined to. They don't feel success. It doesn't create the same dopamine hit. So I'm going to stay in the things that I know I'm a master at, because why not? As opposed to coming into the world of emotions and language of emotions and increasing my fluency. And high performers often have imposter syndrome, they have sensitive egos, the idea of like, oh my God, I'm going to fail at this thing. So there's all these reasons why it's not as appealing. But what happens is when, you know, they achieve success in so many other pillars, but relationship after relationship fails, and then there's this, like, emptiness of, okay, I've achieved all this success, but this deeper part of me is not at peace, is not fulfilled. And so it becomes, you know, you kind of hit this place where something's got to give.

Andres Preschel: Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I mean, I'm just, I have so many questions. I have so many questions. Thank God we're doing a podcast and we have a decent amount of time, but my gosh, I have so many questions.

Leila Entezam: Well, so what, tell me, would you, what, what have any, you know, what resonates about any of this with you specifically?

Andres Preschel: So like I said, I don't want to make this about me. However, I know that I can draw that a lot of people tuning in can and will draw parallels. So I'll use myself as a guinea pig. And I'm happy to open up if it means that people are going to understand the depths of this and how serious it is. You know, an issue at an area where I've had trouble is, look, I mean, I I come from a Latin family and we have a Latin background. Our family values are extremely important. We we are. Such a tight-knit family. I have a pretty small family. We're very, very tight-knit. I love my family. But there's something to say about, you know, there's certain All right, how deep are we going to go here? I'll start with this.

Leila Entezam: Let's go, Andres.

Andres Preschel: Let's do it. Let's go.

Leila Entezam: Let's go.

Andres Preschel: So like I said, I love my family. I love my parents. I have a little blessed life, truly. There are certain experiences that I had early in my life that drove me to want to be more and completely independent so that I wouldn't have to depend on anybody but myself. And, you know, there's so many ways that we can spin that, right? I've just, as a preface, I've done a lot of psychotherapy. I've seen therapists. Nothing terrible happened to me. It's like everyone has their traumas, but it's not like something absolutely terrible or devastating happened to me. I just knew that I wanted to depend on myself and I wanted to be very independent.

Leila Entezam: Which is a very common high performer trait.

Andres Preschel: Yeah, you know and you isolate yourself and you try to focus on your locus of control where you do feel like you have control and then you become obsessed with it and it's typically driven by pain, right? So absolutely and then there's and then so anyway, the point is that I love my family but throughout the past 10 years or so as I got really serious about my work, my personal brand and my mission, I isolated myself and now I feel like I'm in a position where I can reintegrate myself. But it's difficult because my family is now kind of used to me being a bit distant, you know, emotionally. But I'm also in a position where, like, I want to show them that I have figured out and that I can take care of myself because I can. So it's kind of like a weird balance where I'm, like, trying to, like, Be emotionally there with them a hundred percent of the way always and Be completely vulnerable and just myself but also be like hey like I got my shit together There's a reason why I did what I did, you know So I'm curious what your take is there and and how you think more high performers can sort of like reintegrate and rekindle People that they care about when they go on these totally neurotic, you know isolating bouts of high-performance

Leila Entezam: Great question. So two things I would say. One is that your brain is like a database. And everything that you do your entire life is all in this database. And everything that you interact with, that same database is the supercomputer that you're bringing to that thing that you're interacting with. Whether you are taking a walk at the beach or ordering coffee or in a business meeting, it's the same brain with the same database. And so it looks for the files that are relevant for the situation that it's in. And your brain's number one job is survival. And that survival is not like just, you know, a tiger attacking you or, you know, someone's shooting at you. It is threat or perceived threat. And that can also be emotional threat, physical threat, a mental threat, emotional threat. So your family loves you, you grow up, and they spent so many years being tight-knit with you, and then you start to withdraw, and you go off on your own, and they think, hey, that was hurtful, or that was difficult. And so their number one job for their brain is survival. Survival includes, I don't want to get hurt. So if those were hurtful experiences for them, their brain creates these flags, these tags that say, hey, when I type in the word Andres into whatever the story is, I have a flag that says this person, I have some hurtful stories with this person. And so my guards go up or my defenses. And now Andres comes back and says, oh, no, no, I now want to integrate. Well, you may be ready to integrate, but my brain still has the same flags that say, hey, I don't really know because sometimes the story was good and sometimes the story was hurtful. And my number one job in my brain is survival. So I'm going to err on the side of caution because I need consistency and I like predictability and I can't predict. And so he may be, you know, nice and integrating today. and then tomorrow be gone again. So why don't we be cautious? And so it takes them time and you, it takes time on their part and consistency on your part to then trust the new data set that says, oh, the new Andres shows up consistently wanting to integrate and be vulnerable and et cetera.

Andres Preschel: Mm-hmm. Yeah, absolutely. No and that that does sound and feel familiar to me and It's I believe it's what's what's happening. And again, I want to say like I have a beautiful family We love each other so much. Oh my gosh, but there is like a certain depth that I'm describing here that it's almost like I never have to have this conversation my family and all of us will live happily ever after and But it's also like I know that there's an even deeper layer of emotion here to uncover and I think that you're absolutely right. It's like it's not like they don't want to do it or like I don't want to do it. It's just like the patterns have been inconsistent to the point where they just don't know what to expect and it can be hurtful. Or they can feel like, I'm sure, and if they express this to me, they can feel like they're being manipulated or like I have narcissistic tendencies that I've developed unconsciously, which we could talk about. It's super cute. You have to come back to that one. Like I piqued your interest now.

Leila Entezam: We have to come back to that one.

Andres Preschel: Sure, absolutely. Let's do it.

Leila Entezam: Let me come back to the narcissist. Something I want to say when you said, hey, I have a beautiful family. I think this doesn't mean anything is wrong. You know, these narratives and this conversation that we're having, it doesn't mean you're wrong or they're wrong or you're bad or they're bad. This isn't about that. This is about the depth of intimacy and relationship that we can create with people when we open more doorways. The reason I want to go back to the narcissism is because it's the list of traits and behaviors that I mentioned. That's one of them, that high performers often get labeled as narcissists. And I think that that's so unfair because some of them may have the criteria that actually qualify as narcissistic personality disorder. But more often than not, at least in my experience, what happens is that drive, that focus, that determination, that only living in their own brain, so that's the only perspective they have, the efficiency, the abruptness, they're more sensitive, so they're more guarded, they're more easily triggered, they don't have the same emotional fluency, in terms of language, those things end up manifesting as someone who seems narcissistic when in fact they're far from it.

Andres Preschel: You said it, not me.

Leila Entezam: Yes.

Andres Preschel: Yeah. Well, look, to be, because I want to always, I want to be honest with myself. I want to hold myself accountable and I want to respect the people that I love. And I absolutely have dealt with that in my life. Absolutely. I've been called a narcissist by countless people and I've recognized narcissistic tendencies and I have done a lot of work to overcome them. And I feel like I've I know that I've come a long way. I wouldn't be where I am in my life now if I wasn't able to overcome that. I mean, I have a lot of evidence, but there's a lot of, you know, we're all a work in progress. And as we said earlier, a lot of our strengths as high performers and just being, you know, neurodivergent different people are also simultaneously our weaknesses. I actually had a friend of mine on the show recently, Vince Infante, who's got a similar background to yours. I'd love to get you guys in touch. Maybe you can join him on his podcast. But I asked him, I was like, you know, he's in a similar realm as well as far as his coaching. I asked him, I was like, look, I mean, if we acknowledge how a lot of high performing individuals, they become who they are and they get good at what they, they become the best at what they do because they're driven by pain. How much of the drive and success is changes or is taken away if you overcome that pain? Like how in touch with that pain do we need to be? But how much healing can and should take place so that we still have the drive that we need to be the high performing individuals that we are? Does that make sense?

Leila Entezam: Absolutely. So several important points there. Remember we said your brain's a database. So everything that's in there is in there. You can't avoid it. You think you've compartmentalized it or you've blopped it out. It doesn't work that way. And so it's in there. You are better served being the architect mastering that rather than trying to avoid it. And so if you take that as one data set, the next piece is the fact that your brain has limited bandwidth. And so in that limited bandwidth, the more you bring awareness to what's in that bandwidth, the more you are in control of that. So if there is an emotional piece and you're saying, well, how deep should we go? You should go as deep as you want to be the master of. because it's there regardless, but the more you are willing, it's like one of the analogies I use with my clients is it's like we're cleaning out the cupboards. And so you can either just take the stuff that you see when you open the cupboard and the stuff that's right in front, or if you really wanna do a deep clean, you need to take the step stool, get to the top, get all in the back, get everything out, and now you are in full awareness of what's in the cupboards. Now, whether you ever open that cupboard door or not, that stuff is in the cupboards. Wouldn't you rather know what's in there, put the things where you want them to be, organize those shelves, rather than just kind of know that there's stuff in there but that you're not going to open it? It's also the message you send when you're not willing to look. It is you're telling your brain, Hey, whatever's in there must be such a big deal that, that we don't want to take a look at it. And your brain's like, well, that must be really significant. I must really be on alert for that thing that we do, that we don't want to look at. It's like, if there's a noise outside at night and you're like, I wonder if there's a robber, you know, the more you don't go and look, the more you're like, well, there must be a threat outside. It must be so important that you're afraid to go look and see what it is.

Andres Preschel: Right. Right. Wow. And so, so how do you think that we can, it's a very delicate balance and I'm sure it's, I want to emphasize that it's just so different for everyone. Um, but is there such thing as overcoming let's say narcissistic tendencies for the sake of the example, successfully while maintaining or even improving on the high performance end?

Leila Entezam: Absolutely. So to be clear, the distinction we're making is I'm not talking about people with a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder in the sense that that is a clinical diagnosis and has a lot of other stuff with it, right?

Andres Preschel: Which, by the way, I've never gotten. I've never gotten to that extent.

Leila Entezam: Right? I'm talking about people who the word just gets thrown at. You're such a narcissist.

Andres Preschel: It's like a casual, yeah.

Leila Entezam: Right? But it's a word that can hold heavy weight. And so absolutely, you can be someone who presents in that way or gets labeled as that and do exactly what is the stuff that my book is talking about with the emotional awareness, with the mastering your emotions, with the emotion regulation. with the ability to understand why you do what you do, to be more reflective rather than just reactionary, to be the master of that is absolutely in your control.

Andres Preschel: Excellent.

Leila Entezam: It's just the willingness to do the work.

Andres Preschel: Yeah. Well, I, I mean, I have signed up and I'm willing to go all the way. Yeah. I trust me. I'm happy. I mean, if I wasn't, I don't think I would have mentioned this on the show. I mean, and it's not like I'm trying to, I guess, I don't know. I'm trying to prove something. I'm just, I've, I just know in my heart that I've signed that contract myself and I want to emphasize that I've done that because I think more folks tuning in should be aware of how common this is, especially under the high performance umbrella. And so, like I said, I'm using myself as a guinea pig here. But I'll tell you that since I committed to doing this, I have found the love of my life. I have grown my business and I have people on my team now that I believe are truly sent by God to work with me and the collaborative efforts that have come into play since I made this commitment and the way that we've grown is unbelievable. I'm closer to my family than I ever have before. I'm closer with my clients than I ever have before. Oh, every single person that I work with, every client becomes like a best friend because we can really see each other eye to eye and we open up to each other and develop a meaningful relationship. I'm handling people's lives and I imagine you can appreciate this because when you get to know someone at that level and you've been in their shoes, like a lot of my clients have felt this. Suffered with my health where I felt this connection for my body and I could put myself in the shoes of my client So the point is that I end up getting really close with Everyone around me and I've and I've had a chance to do that because of this this conversation And and the work that I've done and the work that I'm gonna continue to do so I know that it's Something that I have to be more open about and this is an incredible opportunity. So number one, I can't thank you enough and And number two, I hope that the folks that are tuning in can take a moment to reflect here and realize how common this is and that they can overcome this in a way where they don't have to compromise, you know, especially with what they're good at.

Leila Entezam: That's something I hear a lot is high performers saying, hey, well, you know, I don't want to risk, you know, opening these doors and going down these paths because I can't have it, you know, break me or get me stuck or, you know, affect my performance. And, you know, I understand. because it is a lot of work and it is hard. But what I can tell you is 100% of the time what I've seen on the other side is actually improved performance and greater peace and their report of a life better lived because it is more complete and fulfilled and you have opened bandwidth that you can allocate to greater success and the things that you're talking about.

Andres Preschel: And, um, you know, I've, I mean, I'm sure that there's ways that, um, let me ask you, let me ask you a different way. Um, in what ways do you quantify this experience? I, as I know that you're very passionate about data-driven change and metrics and, and obviously this is, like I said, you know, It can be very personalized, but I've noticed since I embarked on this journey and did psychotherapy and worked with other, you know, health coaches, you know, my sleep scores have gone up. My HRV has gone up. My body feels safer. I feel more present. And there's certainly data to reflect that. Um, but what kind of metrics do you like to look at and how do you measure, you know, this high performance coming to life in every dimension of someone's life?

Leila Entezam: I don't measure it. It's the client. And it's the client's own report in what matters to them, whether it's the feeling of emptiness goes away, whether it's greater peace, whether it is just feeling more centered, whether it's understanding their choices better, better relationships. They're the ones that quantify it based on the things that matter to them. And it's a beautiful thing to watch.

Andres Preschel: Wow. Well said. Very, very nice. Well said. And is there perhaps an exercise or a habit or a routine? I don't know, maybe some kind of meditation, visualization. Is there something that the folks tuning in can do every day to get in touch with themselves in this fashion and hone in on their skills and in their healing?

Leila Entezam: So there is the number one tool I refer people to that if you do nothing else and if you take nothing else away, take this. And there's actually on my website, there's a free like tool sheet they can download that summarizes it for them. is called setup. And setup is essentially a way for you to take a quick inventory of the factors that affect your decisions, because so much goes into every choice that we make, and we often leave so many data sets on the table when we are considering our choices. So the S is for your somatics, and that is your physical body, and it's awareness of the physical sensations and everything that your body's communicating to you. The E is for your emotions. So what do you feel about whatever the situation is? The T is for your thoughts. What are you thinking? The U is for what else is in your universe. So did you just get in a fight with a loved one? Did you almost get hit by a car? Are you excited about an upcoming vacation? and the P is for your physiology. So when was your last bowel movement? Are you hungry? Are you full? How did you sleep? All of that affects the person that's sitting here that's making this decision, whether that decision is, you know, what should I order for dinner? Or, you know, am I going to hire you or fire you or whatever the case may be. And so this allows you to take that quick inventory so that you can make more comprehensive decisions with greater information.

Andres Preschel: Excellent. So I see it here. This is the high-performer self-assessment.

Leila Entezam: That is the self-assessment that you can take on the website. The setup tool is under the programs, on the programs page. If you scroll down and you enter your email address and you get the download for the tool.

Andres Preschel: Incredible. Okay. Well, I'm going to make sure that we link to this in the show notes for folks. And, um, okay. Excellent. And so for, for the, for the folks tuning in that maybe don't identify with what we're talking about, maybe they're in denial, you know, that, uh, what, what, what can we said for them? You know, if, if, if this doesn't resonate, but I don't know, something is telling them to keep listening up until this point, what would you say to them?

Leila Entezam: That's interesting. That's actually one of the buckets of people I talk about in the book is that, hey, it's either, you know, something is missing or you're clear on what's missing that, you know, get curious. Hey, might there be something more for me? Might there be something I need to explore here? You can always decide the answer is no. But get curious, ask the questions, do the exploration, learn a little bit more about it to see if you are really missing something.

Andres Preschel: And what do you feel that, let's say once someone has chosen to embark on this process to better themselves and to be a more, call it healthier, holistic high performer, what do you find are some of the biggest obstacles that now keep them from satisfying that intention?

Leila Entezam: One of the biggest ones is the fear that they'll get stuck. The one I was mentioning about they're afraid this is gonna, you know, affect their performance. The other is a fear that, you know, I don't know what to do or how to do it or I won't be good at it. Remember, these are people that are really, really used to being good at most things. So I think those are two common ones I see. And the third one is really a resource that understands them. You know, for example, let's say if it's therapy or a coach, their brain processes differently and it processes quickly and so most people don't understand them. And so to go and try to work with someone who you feel doesn't understand you, they check out. You know, they'll sit in the chair with the other person and, you know, that person stops talking and starts talking and they're already 10 steps ahead. And so that I also hear is often a common struggle. Oh, it's a waste of time. Oh, this is dumb.

Andres Preschel: And what are some other, let's say, you know, health habits that complement this experience and bringing this intention to life?

Leila Entezam: Meditation.

Andres Preschel: What kind of meditation?

Leila Entezam: Whatever resonates with you. Whether it is through gardening, whether it is through cooking or the sitting meditation or something that allows you to calm your mind, to be present, to slow down, to be able to tune in. Especially because your brain's processed so quickly and it's always running. That is such a challenge.

Andres Preschel: So cooking, for example. Whatever resonates with you.

Leila Entezam: It could be painting. It could be a walking meditation. It could be sound meditations. We're so different as people that giving room for people to find what works for them, I find becomes much more appealing than saying, it's this thing.

Andres Preschel: But definitely not a doom scrolling on Instagram meditation.

Leila Entezam: Definitely not.

Andres Preschel: So what are some poor forms of meditation? What are some, let's say, self-soothing tactics that these high performers pursue that are doing more harm than good?

Leila Entezam: Anything that you're doing to check out, whether it's excessive drinking, drugs, partying, lots of women, lots of eating, lots of TV, lots of something you do to check out. Doesn't matter what the thing is. But if what you're doing is doing it to check out, that's taking you away from being present.

Andres Preschel: And what do you feel that every high performer needs to know about their physiology and the physiology of high performance?

Leila Entezam: Um, that your, the physical sensations in your body are a phenomenal data set you are often leaving untouched.

SPEAKER_02: Mm.

Leila Entezam: That, that growing your somatic awareness so that you can tune into what the physical sensations in your body are telling you is, is huge. Mm.

Andres Preschel: And what are some of those sensations?

Leila Entezam: Whether there is, you know, like a tightness in your chest or knots in your stomach or tension in your shoulders or, you know, the way you're sitting. Any of those things are cues to, hey, you know, what's going on for you right now.

Andres Preschel: And, um, you know, I actually, I was checking on your website, the assessment, which I confused for the chart. And I mean, I think I answered yes to everything. Maybe I didn't, maybe except for like two things, um, two items on that list. Uh, with this kind of assessment, I mean, I understand how it works from a business angle. I mean, just to put it blunt, as you would expect from a high performer, right? Yeah. No, no, but on a serious note, I understand that you want to speak their language early on to see if they're a good fit for coaching. But, you know, how do you address all the topics that you cover in that assessment? Because there's so many different questions that are all somewhat related. So are you kind of going into each topic individually or are you more so addressing like a root cause and then it just happens to benefit every one of these areas?

Leila Entezam: Yeah, it's less about benefiting each of those areas than it is to understand the individual and then to say, hey, those are the what. We look more at the why. The what is the external manifestation. It's the outside thing you do. Excuse me. We care about the why, which is the deeper what drives these behaviors. What are the thoughts, the emotions, the beliefs, the history that drives you to do these things?

Andres Preschel: Excellent, and is your book available just yet for us to dive deep?

Leila Entezam: It is, yes, very exciting.

Andres Preschel: Cool, where can we find it?

Leila Entezam: Amazon, The Heart of Peak Performance, Emotional Mastery for High-Performing Men.

Andres Preschel: Excellent, so what would you say that you're most excited about right now within the realm of peak performance?

Leila Entezam: Sorry, the realm of peak performance or the book?

Andres Preschel: Within the realm of, I mean, it could be either or. I mean, where do you, if you're looking ahead at the next five to 10 years of the science of peak performance, what would you say you're most excited about?

Leila Entezam: That what's excited and curious is that what role AI is gonna play.

Andres Preschel: Yeah. And what have you seen thus far? How do you think AI could play a role?

Leila Entezam: Well, you know, it's, There's one element where when you see a lot of these robots and they continue to try to humanize them, does that make it easier to just engage in robot relationships? Maybe not intimate or perhaps intimate. But it just continues to enforce isolation, right? And then there's another element where, hey, if AI is going to create tools that allow high performers to feel more seen, you know, take this book and make it add AI to it, for example, then if that's gonna increase access to resources that speak to them and open doorways for them, then in that sense, great. Also, what about the AI's performance? What is AI's performance capability gonna do to high performers themselves? So I think there's just so many interesting conversations.

Andres Preschel: How do you personally use AI for your high performance needs?

Leila Entezam: I use it to refine things, like if I've drafted something, I'll refine it. I'm certain I'm not using a fraction of what it's capable of, but sometime when I have bandwidth, I'd like to learn more about where else I could be using it, because I'm sure there's more.

Andres Preschel: And what would you consider some of your personal habits that have the highest ROI for performance?

Leila Entezam: Oh, easy. Number one is community. I have a very small trust circle of friends and the way I feel fed and felt and seen by that community is unparalleled to anything else. I would not be who I am without that community. So I would say number one is that. A sense of faith and family and purpose. Those things really fuel me to get up and do what I'm doing and that it matters to me from a very deep place. Routines would be my self-care, working out, quiet time, my version of balance. Yeah, all that. The list could go on.

Andres Preschel: Please continue.

Leila Entezam: Yeah, access to diverse experiences so I can get bored easily. And so I love experiencing new things, whether it's new places or new meals or new whatever. I like to stay active. I like to read. I like interesting conversations, keeping my mind and my spirit fed on multiple levels. All those things really matter to me.

Andres Preschel: Do you believe in God? I do. How do you think that your relationship with God has supported your performance and has helped you communicate your talents and your skills with the world?

Leila Entezam: One is that I believe that I was made this way for a reason. And so I feel a deep sense of need to do something with it. And so understanding what that is and fulfilling that. Two is the sense of anchoring that I feel and believing in something greater than myself. That when there's no one else to turn to, when nothing makes sense, the idea that there is something greater. It gives me a sense of calm and peace.

Andres Preschel: Excellent. And how do you motivate the people around you? Let's say you're, I'm going to put this in, you might get a laugh out of this, but how do you communicate what you believe is true? for the best quality of life, for the best emotional regulation, sense of safety and peace, to the people who are most qualified to tell you when to shut up, i.e. your family.

Leila Entezam: Um, I model it. So the things that I, I, I practice what I preach, uh, and then I, um, practice the lab triangle of love agency and boundary is I, I, um, try to hold good boundaries while also, um, exercising my own agency, but showing people that I love them.

Andres Preschel: Sorry, can I quickly interrupt you just to amplify that point? How, what is setting a boundary? What does that mean? And how can we set better boundaries?

Leila Entezam: So if I, let me think of an example. My family's saying, skip the thing that is your self-care and come to the thing that we want you to. My boundary is to say, hey, how much do I need the thing that is my self-care? And how much do I want to go and be with them or have I not seen them? Is this like a special opportunity? And so, Holding my boundary, just say which one is of greater need and purpose to me, and then fulfilling that one as opposed to just the one that they want.

Andres Preschel: Question for you there. So when it comes to a scenario like that, do you actually communicate your thought process and how you're weighing this out loud, or do you simply communicate the decision and explain why, or how do you communicate that effort?

Leila Entezam: Usually just a decision because you have to meet people where they're at. And that's, you know, I do a lot of self-care, self-work. Doesn't mean that everybody else does, right? And so it's, I can say, hey, I balance my needs and, you know, think about my self-care and this and that, and that's all, you know, fluffy language to that. It's not really gonna make sense. So I generally just kind of give them what the conclusion was.

Andres Preschel: You know, it's funny, my mom has a saying, she goes, Don't clear something up because you'll darken it. You know what I mean? Isn't that powerful, that motherly wisdom?

Leila Entezam: Did she come up with that on her own?

Andres Preschel: I don't know. I'd like to imagine that she did.

Leila Entezam: Love that.

Andres Preschel: But yeah, I feel like sometimes explaining too much will make you seem, you know, will make things worse.

Leila Entezam: Well, the other thing I would say is the more you are centered, the less you feel you have to explain.

Andres Preschel: Yeah.

Leila Entezam: Right.

Andres Preschel: Yeah, the more graceful you can proceed and without doing harm and yeah, just being able to put things in perspective for sure.

Leila Entezam: And so you understand why you chose, you know, the one option over the other and you're okay with that decision.

Andres Preschel: Right. So it's not impulsive. So it comes from a regulated place, a place of introspection. It's not react to neighboring you. Right, right, right, right. So you're consistent with your emotions and excellent. Excellent.

Leila Entezam: It's not codependent. It's not enabled. It's, you know, it's just your own centering.

Andres Preschel: Right. And it loaded a question here, but how do you, how should we engage with people when we feel like they have crossed our boundaries?

Leila Entezam: You can only control yourself. So own your own. So go back to love agency and boundary. Care for the person while exercising your own agency for you to hold boundaries. So if they've crossed your boundary, look to see what do you need to shift? Do you need to exercise different agency? Do you need to hold better boundaries? Do you need to show care in a different way? And sometimes that means removing that person from your life.

Andres Preschel: How do you choose when to remove someone from your life?

Leila Entezam: Ooh, that's not a black and white answer, you know.

Andres Preschel: Absolutely, absolutely not.

Leila Entezam: I think if I look at the people along the way that are no longer in my life or if I've had to be at that crossroads, That it's ultimately what purpose am I serving for them or are they serving for me? Or what are they getting out of me or am I getting out of them? Is there a net positive in this year for them or for me? And that net positive, it could be emotional, it could be your fun friend, it could be your deep friend, whatever. And if I can't come up with a good answer to that, it's time for a different analysis.

Andres Preschel: And do you simply walk away? Do you communicate? I mean, I know it's so nuanced and specific to this scenario.

Leila Entezam: No, it's a reflection of my own self that I wouldn't want that done to me. And so I try to give you reason and explanation of why this is right for me or I think serves us both best in this way.

Andres Preschel: Excellent. Well, shifting gears back into a more, let's say, positive note here.

Leila Entezam: Well, but that's not necessarily a negative note.

Andres Preschel: You're absolutely right. There's a net benefit there with that decision, which is absolutely right. You're absolutely right. Thank you for catching that. So, let's say I wanted to have a conversation about the kind of relief people can feel when they start to think about high performance in this fashion and the turnaround for that kind of relief. What do you think people can expect as soon as they start to get proactive about this and start to meditate and regulate themselves? You know, what kind of feedback can they expect from themselves and from other people?

Leila Entezam: My challenge with your question is the as soon as part because the as soon as is the opening of the door and starting to do the work and it oftentimes gets harder before it gets easier, worse before it gets better. And so initially things may seem harder. It's dumb. Why am I doing this? Nothing's happening. So it's riding the wave to the other side of it when things are better. And better is the more peace, more centered, more fulfilled, deeper relationships, safer. I think you use it safer in your body. I love the way you phrase that. And it's understanding that it's like the example we gave earlier, that that's not who you've been. You can't expect people to suddenly say, Oh my God, well, thank God, you know, you're finally here. The other people can be hesitant towards your change. So it has to come from you, for you, for your own centering. Not simply because I'll do this and this other person will react a certain way and that's what I'm aiming for.

Andres Preschel: Well said. Thank you for clarifying that. And I'd say, you know, someone tuning in, somebody out there, they can appreciate this conversation. They can appreciate the difference that we're describing. They want to take that next step. Outside of reading your book, how can they seek help?

Leila Entezam: working with, whether it's a coach or a therapist or a mentor or some outside resource that they trust that also resonates with them, so understands them.

Andres Preschel: And how can, in this, you know, era of paradoxical interconnectedness where we think we know someone because we follow them on social media or because we look them up. How can we truly identify and connect with someone that we foresee as a potential coach or mentor before we take that next step? What is a way that we can and should qualify these people?

Leila Entezam: Definitely a vetting process. So if you look at, you know, what is their educational background, their history background, their, you know, the clients they serve, the platforms they're on, how they present themselves, institutions they may work with. I think that's one element. Another one is, you know, do you feel seen and felt by them? Do you feel heard by them? Do they get you? So how does it feel? But also, asking yourself, how open are you to the process? Are you just looking for things that are wrong with you or with them? And so assessing your own willingness and openness.

Andres Preschel: Excellent. Excellent. Well, I have a couple more questions for you here before we sign off for now because I'm so fascinated by your work and I can't wait to read your book and learn more about what you do and how you do it. I really would love to have you back on in the near future if you're open to it. I love it. Great. So I have a couple more questions. If you could put a word, message, or phrase on a billboard somewhere in the world, what would it say and where would you put it?

Leila Entezam: It would say, are you at peace?

Leila Entezam: And I would put it in the one place in the world, wherever that is, that the most amount of high performers would see it.

Andres Preschel: So Chaz? I don't know.

Leila Entezam: But if you figure out where that place is, I was trying to think where would they, I don't know, like a Bloomberg or some finance website?

Andres Preschel: You know, it's funny, this is the, There's two questions that I ask every guest on my show. Number one is, why do you do what you do? And then I ask them this billboard question. And one of the most interesting responses I've ever gotten, and it was like, it really seemed like it was an original response to this question, because I actually stole this question from Tim Ferriss, who you might know, he's a huge podcaster and author. And, but it seemed very, it seemed like they really thought about this. And they said that they would put it on the moon. And I thought that was brilliant. Yeah, can you believe that? But why the moon?

Leila Entezam: Nobody would see it.

Andres Preschel: Well, it's a big enough sign on the moon where you could see it.

Leila Entezam: Oh, well, then I take the moon.

Leila Entezam: I take the sun. If I put it on the sun, it would melt. So yeah, I'm going to steal that person's answer.

Andres Preschel: Excellent. Excellent. Yeah. That's a great question. Honestly, Laila, yes. I truly, I mean, I don't think anyone is perfect and I'm definitely not perfect. But I definitely feel a deep sense of peace, satisfaction and happiness in my life.

Leila Entezam: I can feel that.

Andres Preschel: Thank you. And thank you for asking the question, even if you could feel that you knew the answer, because it's a great moment to reflect. And I mean, you know, we had to reschedule this podcast because I was I don't want to I want to surprise people with this when it comes around. But I'm in the middle of a big upgrade in my life and a big change that was very daunting, very scary. And it forced me to have very difficult conversations with myself, people that I care about. And it just put everything in perspective. And through this process, I've realized that the only reason that it's taking place is because I've been able to do what I do and show up every single day with love, with peace and with total presence and intention. And I wouldn't be able to celebrate this milestone if it wasn't for that. And so that was a big reminder for me, even though it was very difficult, it's been difficult. And I've been working, excuse my French, but I'm working my ass off recently. I definitely feel at peace and I feel very happy, very, very happy. And it's my mission to share that with the world. There's a great quote by Bob Dylan that goes, A superhero is someone that understands the degree of responsibility that comes with their freedom. And I have the ultimate freedom in my life. I've been able to create that freedom through the isolating balance of high performance. And now I feel that it is my responsibility to help other people find that peace and find that happiness and leverage their health rather than neglect their health to do what they're good at every single day. So I feel that this is something that we have in common and I really can't thank you enough for doing the work that you're doing for showing up with me today and Bringing your a-plus game as I performer I'm so excited to share this episode of my audience

Leila Entezam: Likewise. Thank you so much. Yeah. It's, um, uh, thank you for the opportunity and, and for listening to your passion and, and doing that difficult work, you know, when what you're doing doesn't make sense to people. You're not even sure if it makes sense to you, but you just keep going because you can't help yourself.

Andres Preschel: Yeah. Yeah. That's me. Yeah. And that's you too. Love it. Layla, what an honor and pleasure. Thank you so much.

Leila Entezam: Thank you very much. I really enjoyed our conversation. Likewise.